Coffee Talk Mom

Coffee, Cigars, and Apple Pie…

I’m pretty sure Jesus isn’t on Facebook, but there is something about sharing grief with people.  Often we see “Happy Heavenly Birthday” posts and I have never really understood them…until now.  If there was ever a man LESS into social media than my Pops, I am not sure who that would be.  His later days were spent, nose into a novel, unlit cigar in hand with a cup of coffee in a little chair in his garage…We taught him the term “man cave” since he wasn’t ever allowed to smoke in the house.

 

He has been gone for more than 3 months, but I can still sense him, smell the cigars, and picture him reading his bible early in the morning in the kitchen.  The house is sold…the memories have been packed up or donated, but no one can take away our hearts for the people we loved.

 

My brother Rob shared at the funeral that so many in the world look to the internet, social media, their phones for someone to look up to…someone to mentor them, someone to think , “wow…if only I had what he has”… My Dad wasn’t the most subtle guy…he often said things where we thought, “Holy cow, Pops…you don’t have a strong opinion, do you!”…BUT…he was always all about his family, provided for us, taught us SO much about faith and how to love your spouse, work hard, and thank God for the blessings in this life.  Find someone like that to look up to…

 

The photo shows some pages from the front of his bible.  He was a prayer warrior, and knew when it was his time to go, he was going straight to the King.  You may even see your name in there!

 

I think he knew that we would struggle when he passed.  Having a Mom with dementia has been a series of series of long days, tears, fears, and laughter.  I remember whispering to him on one of his last days that it was ok to go…and that we “had Nan”…I didn’t know what that would entail all together, but God did.  The relationship with my siblings has grown stronger by the day, I am more patient and trusting that God knows the future.

 

So Pop, on what would have been your 89th birthday, Happy Heavenly Day…

You will be forever in my heart, my Dad, my mentor, and my friend.  I love you!

 

Piddy (his name for me!)

 

CoffeeTalkMom

May you have a bird-watching kind of day!

 Years ago, I was a pretty new mom with a toddler and I distinctly remember going on a picnic with my mother and father in law. We sat at this desert park (think dirt and cactus) ,eating snacks and talking…I juggled Thomas who was going up and down off the picnic table. You know where there is a big, gaping hole, and you envision a slip and some stitches. Meanwhile, my mother-in-law Paula was really into “bird watching”…we had a book and some binoculars and all I could think about was, “Oh gosh…how old do you have to be to bird watch?” And…”Wait…what kind of bird are we looking for?”… As time went on, I could see absolute joy in her face as she waited and watched, hoping to see a bird she had never seen. It was a good day. A couple of years later, she was diagnosed again with cancer, and was gone. If only I could have a picnic like that again. A chance to sit and laugh and bird watch. This year I am 59 and Paula was 59 when she passed. I filled my bird feeder this afternoon and thought about her this Mother’s Day. Ironically, one of the joys of Spring is welcoming back our 2 ducks to the yard. They come every year. We have even named them, “Max and Erma”…It is a good reminder that life goes full circle. If your mom likes something nutty, just join in the fun…it could be you someday!

 

Happy Mother’s Day 

CoffeeTalkMom

The New Career

Last week I was filling out paperwork to close on another flip house. Each title company is different, so this one was one I had not used. Apparently, to make things “easier”, you fill out a pile of stuff in advance of the closing. As I worked my way thru the stack, I was shocked to discover that my license was out of date!! It had expired on my birthday! Of course, knowing my luck, I was destined to be pulled over, carted off to jail, and end up on Dateline.

Here’s the good news. The DMV is more streamlined. You actually MUST make an appointment to renew your license. The bad news is you may or may not need to drive with an expired license for a month. So as Tuesday approached the big day, I readied myself! I washed my hair and put on a bit of makeup. I mean this photo is for 10 years!! This is important stuff. Each time you peel it out of your wallet, there is a chance that someone will judge you and, worse yet, look at your weight and height! UGH!! These are the things nightmares are made of. As per my usual morning routine, I called Nanny to discuss my day’s plans. She casually asked me if I was nervous. “NERVOUS?” …”Nan, why would I bet nervous?”…She was concerned that I may have to drive with the guy in vest with the name badge. I reassured her that I would be fine and proceeded to check in “from the car” and then told what counter to proceed to. I can assure you I have never walked into a DMV and had the lady say, “Are you Amy?”…WOW…I mean…this is service!!

First of all, don’t sleep on the eye test!! DANG…I swear I was 25 feet from the wall, she casually lifted a draped piece of felt to show the dreaded “EYE” poster. She pointed to the very bottom line. I mean, “WHAT?”…I am not a police officer identifying a stolen vehicle on a high speed chase!! I barely got through it…and even with that (and my glasses on!!!) I think she showed me some grace…I mean an “R” or a “K”? I don’t know!

Now for my big chance to look good…My hair is on point, the makeup is good…I approach the desk, she takes my money, asks me to stand on a piece of tape, and BANG!!! Before I knew what was happening, the photo was done. I began to 🙏🏽 pray. Sometimes, God has other plans, our prayers are not answered the way we are expecting…HE has another purpose. Much to my dismay she yelled, “I think I got it”…OH LORD.

Sidenote: I know the Christmas season can be stressful, and sometimes we just need a little moment of humor…so with that being said…here is a nice photo montage of: What I thought I looked like…-vs- the actual results. Did that breeze on the way thru the door ruffle my perfect coif? Did I grow another chin ? Have I been arrested for attempting to distribute pot? Bask in the glory of my new photo for a moment.

This brings me to the ultimate purpose of this blog: I think I have found my new calling. I am destined to be the new face of the DMV…I will call myself the “DMV STYLIST”. I can stand right by picture lady and harken back to my childhood 2nd grade photo session. All I will need are some of those black combs in the blue liquid, some lip gloss, and some ready tips on how to hold your head. Does anyone else remember the line, “Tuck your chin”, shoulders back, turn your hips…OMG…I would be the most popular DMV employee ever. Those clients would walk out of there with their heads held high and a 10 year legacy of beauty for their families and friends to behold. I guess sometimes you just have to laugh…or potentially “lose” your license and spend another $30 bucks? I haven’t made that decision yet.

In the midst of the holidays, find something’s to smile and laugh about. You cannot buy the chaos and energy of a full house. Enjoy every minute and until next year!

Merry Christmas,

CoffeeTalkMom

Why “City Visits” are rare…

We love a good city! For years we would come up to Denver for a “night away”. We loved getting out of the “burbs” and checking in to our fave hotel, eating out, and sometimes catching a show or walking to the movie theater. We even liked coming down during the holidays and doing some shopping. What has happened to our inner cities? I will mainly speak of Denver since that is our home base, but all over our country, the cities are becoming less desirable place to live and play. The fact is that Denver was recently ranked the “worst place to raise children”. How sad is that?

Sure, we have it pretty good. The suburbs where we raised CTB’s had excellent schools, low to no crime (2 squad cars came once to help us get rid of a giant snake in our garage and the officers looked sincerely happy to have a call!) and nice, solid, good people. This is not a bash on one city or another, but a reflection of a post-covid/defund the police society and what a difference a few years can make.

Last night we attended an amazing party downtown. Let’s start with the hotel. Our pick was @Hyatt because of the proximity to the event and we tend to use Hyatts after all the years of travel from CTDad. There are no longer the amenities once provided in hotels. Gone are the days of Regency Clubs and free breakfast. After covid, they closed them down and have yet to reopen them. The hotel restaurant was closed. It opened this morning for a buffet only breakfast where hundreds of people swarmed the tables of fruit and eggs for the low low price of about $30 pp. Many hotels now add 20% automatically to the check, then still have a line for “tip”…so be careful with that one! We also loved the nice sized bottles of lotion replaced with ziplock bags with a mask and antibacterial gel.

The walk to the theater area was non-eventful, mostly because we were in a group of 6 laughing and talking and not taking in the occasional tent or trash. The lights of the city at night are beautiful!

This morning I took a walk down 16th street mall and WOW…It’s not like I haven’t been down here in years, but what a mess and what a change! Starbucks is closed and many shops are boarded up having never rebounded from the Covid years. The majority of 16th street mall now are cheesy t-shirt shops and chain restaurants. The homeless and drug addicts abound. I saw one police officer the entire walk, and men, women have a sixth sense, and mine was saying, “Maybe you should walk yourself right back to the hotel”. In the past, I would have walked alone for miles.

Denver is not the same place as it once was. I am sure businesses have to take into account insurance, loss from theft, vandalism and security to maintain a place of business downtown. With all of the issues that plague the owners, it is easier for them to leave and take up in the suburbs where they have fewer threats. Also, many of the high rises in major cities are empty because their workers never returned after Covid and were offered more work-from-home opportunities. Fewer workers mean fewer people to fill restaurants and shops.

SO…what now? There is always hope. In talking to a business owner last night he said, “ALL of my employees are required to come into the office EVERY day for the first 6 months, then maybe they can earn a day at home”. I think the tide is changing on the all-or-nothing, “quiet quitting” of the work-from-home generation. Once they become business owners themselves, they will see the benefit of face to face interaction and necessity of the teamwork environment. Denver is shoveling in money to refurbish downtown, widen the walkways, add trees, etc… I am hoping this is a dark moment and not a forever trend. In the meantime, some areas of downtown closer to Coors Field , the Dairy Block, and the train station have been revitalized and hopefully will draw tourists, workers, and families back into the area.

You can put all of the money in the world back into the area, but, if you don’t feel safe, it’s useless. If police cannot arrest anybody for anything, it’s a society gone astray. Crime isn’t nice and punishment isn’t “fair” , but it works. Unfortunately, laws have been changed that hurt law enforcement which, in turn, hurts the general communities of citizens wanting to support downtown businesses. Maybe it’s time to forget about legislating jaywalking and build and support our police officers. Come on, Denver…we are rooting for you!!

Tell me about you…

It’s been awhile, so I thought it would be fun to share some things you may not know about CTM:

I still hunt and peck on a keyboard (I faked my way through typing)
I know all the linking verbs by heart
My dream weather is about 72 and sunny
I may/may not be obsessed with @killerbeeguy
I used to torment my boys by playing the recorder…I still pop it out occasionally!
I never liked to babysit other people’s kids, but I love being a Mom and Mimi!
My right foot is a size and a half bigger than my left. (Hello Nordstrom!)
I was the editor of my high school paper and always liked to write
Don’t invite me to your kids games…I am a yeller! (And no it doesn’t matter if I don’t know them very well)
CTSon and I started www.stalkphotos.com as a joke…and yes, it still exists…
I was Rush Chairman in my sorority (surprise!)
My favorite cartoon as a kid was “Johnny Quest”
At 13, our parents would drop us (Hi Susan) at Disneyland and we would run around for 12 hours..then call for a ride (times have changed)!
My first PG movie was “Tommy” and it scared the crap out of me.
I’m amazed at the fact that there are Levis called “wedgie fit” ! That sounds terrible!
I met CTD at a pajama fraternity party back when LANZ was the style. (If you know, you know)
I love pools, but am always “on guard” when kids are around…(it is in my blood from lifeguarding)
I like using a chain saw, but it scares CTD. #eyeprotection
My secret day-job would be to direct traffic but only for a short time because I dont like the heat…(maybe I should start in the church parking lot;) THAT and making soft serve ice cream cones as big as I can…
“Gardening” YES, “Weeding” NO
I love weddings!!
I sang in a small backup choir with Celine Dion at Red Rocks
Love watching planes, but don’t like flying
Fell repelling in High School at Young Life camp and had to be rescued from a cliff…they had to cut my hair with a knife to get me down…they changed their protocols for long hair!
My minis (grand babies) are Summer and August, born 5 weeks apart. Guess what my new favorite season is?

What are some of your “did you knows”??
COMMENT BELOW!!
Have a GREAT weekend!!

CoffeeTalkMom

Dear Minis…

I have dreamed about you and now you are here. When I see your smilies, I absolutely melt back into a time when I held your daddy in my arms. Those early days were not always easy, sometimes lonely, but I was never alone. I had your daddy and your Beau. Sometimes the mundane of diaper changing and feeding is what I look back to as the most precious times. You see, your mommies are tired, and busy and wanting to feel settled. When you have babies, there is no feeling settled until those minutes when you are falling asleep in their arms. There is a kind of peace they have that you made it through another day; healthy, happy, and in one piece. Give your moms lots of love and attention…they like that. As you grow and become more independent, there will be cameras flashing, laughter and J O Y. Walking and talking during year #2 brings a whole new world to you (and Mom and Dad)…No more plopping onto a blanket with toys as you will want to explore the world. Remember to stay curious, keep learning, say you’re sorry, and say your prayers before you eat and sleep, knowing you are loved by God (and your Mimi)!

Happy 1 Year Auggie and Summy

The Wall of Thanksgiving

A couple of months back, I was cleaning up CTD’s office and straightening things up…As I was reaching for a ribbon of cards I had hung during chemotherapy, a voice rung out from the laptop, “Don’t take those down!”… I turned to see CTD looking up and suddenly very passionate about the “cleaning”… To him, they weren’t just cards and notes, they were a lifeline during the most difficult season of his life. Those notes were from all over the world …from long lost fraternity brothers, nuns in Italy, friends and family, neighbors we barely know…they represented the very BEST and most precious part of his cancer journey; people cared, and they wanted to be there for him…they were thankful for his life and ways he had touched their lives.

As you celebrate with friends and family today, remember people in your world with gratitude and thanksgiving for how they have impacted you. You never know when a Wall of Thanksgiving may remind you of the most precious things in life…

Today, the wall of cards is still adorning CTD’s office…and I am ok with that. He told me that every time he looks up at them, he is grateful for that person and says a quick prayer for them…remember, you are loved and for you, we are thankful!

CoffeeTalkMom

Just Another Week at the Office

This week CTD asked me if I wanted to go to “Demo Day” at his work @techstars. We have attended countless events that showcase new companies who have created a product ready for the marketplace. It was then that I realized MY “Demo Days” are a little different now. Mine are all about taking stuff apart, ripping out the old, to prepare for something new. We have the “Shark Tank” and “Fixer Upper” all under one collective roof.

To CTD and myself, the comments are very similar! “I love that show”… To each of us, the shows almost stress us out! I can only speak for myself (stay tuned for a Shark Tank reality check in another blog!) when I say that flipping houses is MUCH different than on TV.

First of all, I am NO Joanna Gaines…OMG…she is so cute and always looks so put together. If I am going to clean or do yard work, I am usually feeling good about myself if I am in matching sweats.

We (CTR= CoffeeTalk Rick) don’t have fancy offices where we meet with an architect. If we are feeling very official, we take out graph paper and sketch a rough idea on how to LAYOUT the rooms and open the spaces. Phones are the best because we can text numbers and measurements (and find them down the road when we are in Home Depot).

We have a LOT of fun, but “Chip” makes DEMO DAY look like a trip to Disney. It is full of dirt, dust, nails and a huge mess. What they fail to show are the literal PILES of drywall, old useless appliances, tile, and garbage. We have YET to find an old treasure map or money in the walls. The closest we have found are some old savings bonds.

Most Important is BUDGET. I love when you watch the shows and they casually walk through beautiful showrooms and barns looking for JUST the perfect tile, wood floors, etc…. The thing you learn very quickly is to stick with a budget, even when you see something amazing that would “look perfect”. We can typically find good, quality product and a “play on” what we see in magazines or TV without breaking the budget. If the numbers don’t line up, you don’t make money and all of the blood, sweat,and tears are for nothing. Don’t “wait until later” to add up receipts …

TIMELINE is critical. These shows have a staff and layout very carefully how to start and finish in a timely manner. You cannot make money if it takes a year to complete. If you are working on your OWN house, you will live in dust and mess forever, if you don’t plan ahead to manage your timeline. There is a method to the madness, and I hope to tackle some tips and tricks in later blogs.

Happy Weekend!

CoffeeTalkMom

“Don’t FALL”

At a recent family birthday party for my 2 year old nephew, I saw him wobbling through the rocks and found myself saying, “Don't Fall”…! As a parent, we want to avoid falls, but inevitably we fall…even as adults. Some “falls” can be managed: have you ever found yourself in a slow motion trip thinking “Catch yourself”!? Life is a crazy ride these days and, with everything happening in our world, it can feel overwhelming.

Fall can be my favorite season of the year. I am not really a “heat” person. I love the cool mornings and warm days and the colors changing. I like football games and the holidays on the horizon, but, like anyone with depression and anxiety, Fall can be tough. It takes effort to “catch myself” and enjoy the season like (most) people do! Don’t get caught with your hands in your pockets!

Here is something I have been doing in the mornings, based on a talk I watched online. It has really helped me focus on what is important and get my day off to a good start. It’s easy and takes very little time out of my day. I grabbed one of my half empty “journal” books and starting writing.

10 minutes: read my bible and pray, write down 3 things I am grateful for, and 3 things I want to accomplish for that day. Listen, when you get to my age, these are not always ground-breaking, multi-million dollar ideas. They can be simple: make the call to a friend, write a card, change the sheets. That’s it. It is a start!

Of course, it is always good to get outside. Vitamin D is critical, and medical journals say that 42% of people in the US are deficient. I try to get back to the gym in the winter, but not on nice days. It is much better for me to be outside.

According to the “One Minute Manager”, “Goals begin behaviors, and consequences influence future behaviors”. Set a goal. Don’t panic, just set something do-able at first and see how the results change your outlook. Flatirons Church (Boulder) is doing a 35 day challenge and one of the things you are doing each day is helping others. Last Monday I was in the grocery, and within a 30 minute time frame, I helped 3 different people. It was crazy. Part of that was just being AWARE! Look around you…there is so much you can do. It’s easy, and makes your day brighter ! Granted, I’m tall, so helping a shorty with cans on the top shelf is not a stretch. (Ok…cheesy joke)… My do-able goal: when I see someone who needs help, do something!

Back to Fall…2 words that strike fear: TIME CHANGE. The days get shorter and the dark settles in early. I mean, some days we look at each other and think, “Is it bedtime yet?”… We get into a bad habit of TV watching and I am shooting for more reading at night and less TV. Flip on the music (I need music without lyrics when I read). CTD likes, “Beats for Studying” radio on Pandora for work and I like, “Piano Radio” station for reading. Also, may be a good time to hit the gym in the early evenings before dinner.

Don’t find yourself reaching for spring and summer every year. This is life. Life is good. We are blessed!

AUTUMN FIRES: Robert Louis Stevenson

In the other gardens and all up in the vale,
From the autumn bonfires see the smoke trail!
Pleasant summer over, and all the summer flowers,
The red fire blazes, the grey smoke towers.
SING a song of seasons! Something bright in ALL!
Flowers in the summer, fires in the fall!

CoffeeTalkMom

It’s not a birthday or graduation but...

We are kissing chemo goodbye!! For now, he recovers from the cocktail of many medicines that invade to cure and to destroy . We are grateful for all of the research into “cures” and tips from many of you. One thing this has taught us is that each journey is unique. They have come a long way with meds for recovery and nausea. When we started the process we were told, “Most people stop working”. This was never an option for CTD. Staying in a routine and engaged at work has made a big difference. Yesterday was “the longest day”...not by time standards, but just knowing how you will feel following the treatment.

The road ahead is unknown, but we are IN IT for the long haul (we are hoping this “haul” is just down the street)! God may give you more than you can handle (hey...look at the Drachs! There they go again!!), but He also provides friends, family, and co-workers to come alongside you as just the most necessary times. We have a “beer warrior”, a “card warrior...cards come weekly”, and “we will do anything you need” friends. You dont know what you are made of until/unless you go through valleys. This guy is made of: work ethic (he is always learning...even with chemo brain!!), love for his family (can hardly wait to see babies in a couple of weeks!)...he wants to leave a legacy worthy of his boys and he works to do that, humor (yes...we laugh about stuff all of the time!), and his dependence on God to get him through...

THANK YOU to all of you...for things big and small...

CoffeeTalkMom

HOPE in the Ordinary Chaos

It’s the age of information. As a blogger, there is always a tightrope of facts-vs-opinions and the thoughts, “Will I offend someone?”, “Does anyone find this interesting?”, and “Am I the only one going through this?”...but those are the risks you take when you write...most of what CoffeeTalkMom has been is a diary of sorts: life lessons from the fields of parenting and marriage and faith and, well, life. Sometimes life is funny (I always try to find the humor in things), sometimes it is scary (those feelings of “what if?”, and sometimes, well...it is just bland...redundant...nothing...

Most recently, CTD and I were watching something on TV and the word “bored” came out of nowhere. I asked him, “Are you bored?”...”Honestly?...YES” is what he answered. I was taken aback in a way. When we were kids, the word “bored” was an invitation for chores and tasks and school-work...You better never say that word, or you were no longer “bored”! I guess there is a redundancy in chemo. The first day he went, he jumped out of the car like a kid on his first day of class, replete with backpack, water bottle, blanket, ipad, etc... There was a sense of “let’s get this going and over with”. Now, as we enter chemo #4, there is a dread combined with boredom. You sit for 8 hours, knowing that the next three weeks will be a series of stomach aches, work, and naps...followed by a couple of days where you feel almost normal...only to start the process over again...this is the worst kind of “Groundhog Day”. Remember 2020? We ALL felt that way!!

SO...what now? How do you get out of the rut? how do you move forward during a health crisis...? How do you combat the feelings of dread? Here are a few ideas:

LAUGH: OK...we are the LAST people you would think would EVER use TikTok...but there is some FUNNY stuff on there...

WORK: We both feel like it keeps us sharp...even if it is a few hours a day...When he told me he had a “full morning” one day, I said, “Good...I can hear your regular, healthy voice through the wall and it sets my mind at ease”...

WALK: Getting outside...even if it is cold...even for a 20 minute walk...

SEE COLOR: flowers in a vase do wonders and give us hope for green grass and Spring on the way...you don’t have to spend a ton, but something bright helps!!

SMELL: I started baking bread every week...it’s like getting your “hands in the dirt” when it isn’t warm enough to garden.

WATCH: www.agoodmovietowatch.com is a good site for ideas!

ENGAGE: don’t give up meeting with your friends and family! It gives us a sense of “normalcy” in a crazy time...

FOCUS on OTHERS: Boulder last week was a tragedy...that could lead to a different type of blog...but it’s amazing how we can step back from what we are going through a realize that this life is short...and we should spend our time, talent, and treasure on things that really matter...do something for someone else!

Life can feel overwhelming at times, but God gives us the tools to overcome. Don’t be “bored” or I may put you to work!!

For Christians, this is Holy Week...a time for reflection...a time to thank God for all of the gifts and blessings he has given us...a time to take into account the suffering he endured for US....this is particularly evident today:

Romans 5:3-4

...not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope...”

Here’s to H O P E...for all of you!

CoffeeTalkMom