Coffee Talk Mom

Why “City Visits” are rare…

We love a good city! For years we would come up to Denver for a “night away”. We loved getting out of the “burbs” and checking in to our fave hotel, eating out, and sometimes catching a show or walking to the movie theater. We even liked coming down during the holidays and doing some shopping. What has happened to our inner cities? I will mainly speak of Denver since that is our home base, but all over our country, the cities are becoming less desirable place to live and play. The fact is that Denver was recently ranked the “worst place to raise children”. How sad is that?

Sure, we have it pretty good. The suburbs where we raised CTB’s had excellent schools, low to no crime (2 squad cars came once to help us get rid of a giant snake in our garage and the officers looked sincerely happy to have a call!) and nice, solid, good people. This is not a bash on one city or another, but a reflection of a post-covid/defund the police society and what a difference a few years can make.

Last night we attended an amazing party downtown. Let’s start with the hotel. Our pick was @Hyatt because of the proximity to the event and we tend to use Hyatts after all the years of travel from CTDad. There are no longer the amenities once provided in hotels. Gone are the days of Regency Clubs and free breakfast. After covid, they closed them down and have yet to reopen them. The hotel restaurant was closed. It opened this morning for a buffet only breakfast where hundreds of people swarmed the tables of fruit and eggs for the low low price of about $30 pp. Many hotels now add 20% automatically to the check, then still have a line for “tip”…so be careful with that one! We also loved the nice sized bottles of lotion replaced with ziplock bags with a mask and antibacterial gel.

The walk to the theater area was non-eventful, mostly because we were in a group of 6 laughing and talking and not taking in the occasional tent or trash. The lights of the city at night are beautiful!

This morning I took a walk down 16th street mall and WOW…It’s not like I haven’t been down here in years, but what a mess and what a change! Starbucks is closed and many shops are boarded up having never rebounded from the Covid years. The majority of 16th street mall now are cheesy t-shirt shops and chain restaurants. The homeless and drug addicts abound. I saw one police officer the entire walk, and men, women have a sixth sense, and mine was saying, “Maybe you should walk yourself right back to the hotel”. In the past, I would have walked alone for miles.

Denver is not the same place as it once was. I am sure businesses have to take into account insurance, loss from theft, vandalism and security to maintain a place of business downtown. With all of the issues that plague the owners, it is easier for them to leave and take up in the suburbs where they have fewer threats. Also, many of the high rises in major cities are empty because their workers never returned after Covid and were offered more work-from-home opportunities. Fewer workers mean fewer people to fill restaurants and shops.

SO…what now? There is always hope. In talking to a business owner last night he said, “ALL of my employees are required to come into the office EVERY day for the first 6 months, then maybe they can earn a day at home”. I think the tide is changing on the all-or-nothing, “quiet quitting” of the work-from-home generation. Once they become business owners themselves, they will see the benefit of face to face interaction and necessity of the teamwork environment. Denver is shoveling in money to refurbish downtown, widen the walkways, add trees, etc… I am hoping this is a dark moment and not a forever trend. In the meantime, some areas of downtown closer to Coors Field , the Dairy Block, and the train station have been revitalized and hopefully will draw tourists, workers, and families back into the area.

You can put all of the money in the world back into the area, but, if you don’t feel safe, it’s useless. If police cannot arrest anybody for anything, it’s a society gone astray. Crime isn’t nice and punishment isn’t “fair” , but it works. Unfortunately, laws have been changed that hurt law enforcement which, in turn, hurts the general communities of citizens wanting to support downtown businesses. Maybe it’s time to forget about legislating jaywalking and build and support our police officers. Come on, Denver…we are rooting for you!!

Tell me about you…

It’s been awhile, so I thought it would be fun to share some things you may not know about CTM:

I still hunt and peck on a keyboard (I faked my way through typing)
I know all the linking verbs by heart
My dream weather is about 72 and sunny
I may/may not be obsessed with @killerbeeguy
I used to torment my boys by playing the recorder…I still pop it out occasionally!
I never liked to babysit other people’s kids, but I love being a Mom and Mimi!
My right foot is a size and a half bigger than my left. (Hello Nordstrom!)
I was the editor of my high school paper and always liked to write
Don’t invite me to your kids games…I am a yeller! (And no it doesn’t matter if I don’t know them very well)
CTSon and I started www.stalkphotos.com as a joke…and yes, it still exists…
I was Rush Chairman in my sorority (surprise!)
My favorite cartoon as a kid was “Johnny Quest”
At 13, our parents would drop us (Hi Susan) at Disneyland and we would run around for 12 hours..then call for a ride (times have changed)!
My first PG movie was “Tommy” and it scared the crap out of me.
I’m amazed at the fact that there are Levis called “wedgie fit” ! That sounds terrible!
I met CTD at a pajama fraternity party back when LANZ was the style. (If you know, you know)
I love pools, but am always “on guard” when kids are around…(it is in my blood from lifeguarding)
I like using a chain saw, but it scares CTD. #eyeprotection
My secret day-job would be to direct traffic but only for a short time because I dont like the heat…(maybe I should start in the church parking lot;) THAT and making soft serve ice cream cones as big as I can…
“Gardening” YES, “Weeding” NO
I love weddings!!
I sang in a small backup choir with Celine Dion at Red Rocks
Love watching planes, but don’t like flying
Fell repelling in High School at Young Life camp and had to be rescued from a cliff…they had to cut my hair with a knife to get me down…they changed their protocols for long hair!
My minis (grand babies) are Summer and August, born 5 weeks apart. Guess what my new favorite season is?

What are some of your “did you knows”??
COMMENT BELOW!!
Have a GREAT weekend!!

CoffeeTalkMom

Dear Minis…

I have dreamed about you and now you are here. When I see your smilies, I absolutely melt back into a time when I held your daddy in my arms. Those early days were not always easy, sometimes lonely, but I was never alone. I had your daddy and your Beau. Sometimes the mundane of diaper changing and feeding is what I look back to as the most precious times. You see, your mommies are tired, and busy and wanting to feel settled. When you have babies, there is no feeling settled until those minutes when you are falling asleep in their arms. There is a kind of peace they have that you made it through another day; healthy, happy, and in one piece. Give your moms lots of love and attention…they like that. As you grow and become more independent, there will be cameras flashing, laughter and J O Y. Walking and talking during year #2 brings a whole new world to you (and Mom and Dad)…No more plopping onto a blanket with toys as you will want to explore the world. Remember to stay curious, keep learning, say you’re sorry, and say your prayers before you eat and sleep, knowing you are loved by God (and your Mimi)!

Happy 1 Year Auggie and Summy

The Wall of Thanksgiving

A couple of months back, I was cleaning up CTD’s office and straightening things up…As I was reaching for a ribbon of cards I had hung during chemotherapy, a voice rung out from the laptop, “Don’t take those down!”… I turned to see CTD looking up and suddenly very passionate about the “cleaning”… To him, they weren’t just cards and notes, they were a lifeline during the most difficult season of his life. Those notes were from all over the world …from long lost fraternity brothers, nuns in Italy, friends and family, neighbors we barely know…they represented the very BEST and most precious part of his cancer journey; people cared, and they wanted to be there for him…they were thankful for his life and ways he had touched their lives.

As you celebrate with friends and family today, remember people in your world with gratitude and thanksgiving for how they have impacted you. You never know when a Wall of Thanksgiving may remind you of the most precious things in life…

Today, the wall of cards is still adorning CTD’s office…and I am ok with that. He told me that every time he looks up at them, he is grateful for that person and says a quick prayer for them…remember, you are loved and for you, we are thankful!

CoffeeTalkMom

Just Another Week at the Office

This week CTD asked me if I wanted to go to “Demo Day” at his work @techstars. We have attended countless events that showcase new companies who have created a product ready for the marketplace. It was then that I realized MY “Demo Days” are a little different now. Mine are all about taking stuff apart, ripping out the old, to prepare for something new. We have the “Shark Tank” and “Fixer Upper” all under one collective roof.

To CTD and myself, the comments are very similar! “I love that show”… To each of us, the shows almost stress us out! I can only speak for myself (stay tuned for a Shark Tank reality check in another blog!) when I say that flipping houses is MUCH different than on TV.

First of all, I am NO Joanna Gaines…OMG…she is so cute and always looks so put together. If I am going to clean or do yard work, I am usually feeling good about myself if I am in matching sweats.

We (CTR= CoffeeTalk Rick) don’t have fancy offices where we meet with an architect. If we are feeling very official, we take out graph paper and sketch a rough idea on how to LAYOUT the rooms and open the spaces. Phones are the best because we can text numbers and measurements (and find them down the road when we are in Home Depot).

We have a LOT of fun, but “Chip” makes DEMO DAY look like a trip to Disney. It is full of dirt, dust, nails and a huge mess. What they fail to show are the literal PILES of drywall, old useless appliances, tile, and garbage. We have YET to find an old treasure map or money in the walls. The closest we have found are some old savings bonds.

Most Important is BUDGET. I love when you watch the shows and they casually walk through beautiful showrooms and barns looking for JUST the perfect tile, wood floors, etc…. The thing you learn very quickly is to stick with a budget, even when you see something amazing that would “look perfect”. We can typically find good, quality product and a “play on” what we see in magazines or TV without breaking the budget. If the numbers don’t line up, you don’t make money and all of the blood, sweat,and tears are for nothing. Don’t “wait until later” to add up receipts …

TIMELINE is critical. These shows have a staff and layout very carefully how to start and finish in a timely manner. You cannot make money if it takes a year to complete. If you are working on your OWN house, you will live in dust and mess forever, if you don’t plan ahead to manage your timeline. There is a method to the madness, and I hope to tackle some tips and tricks in later blogs.

Happy Weekend!

CoffeeTalkMom

“Don’t FALL”

At a recent family birthday party for my 2 year old nephew, I saw him wobbling through the rocks and found myself saying, “Don't Fall”…! As a parent, we want to avoid falls, but inevitably we fall…even as adults. Some “falls” can be managed: have you ever found yourself in a slow motion trip thinking “Catch yourself”!? Life is a crazy ride these days and, with everything happening in our world, it can feel overwhelming.

Fall can be my favorite season of the year. I am not really a “heat” person. I love the cool mornings and warm days and the colors changing. I like football games and the holidays on the horizon, but, like anyone with depression and anxiety, Fall can be tough. It takes effort to “catch myself” and enjoy the season like (most) people do! Don’t get caught with your hands in your pockets!

Here is something I have been doing in the mornings, based on a talk I watched online. It has really helped me focus on what is important and get my day off to a good start. It’s easy and takes very little time out of my day. I grabbed one of my half empty “journal” books and starting writing.

10 minutes: read my bible and pray, write down 3 things I am grateful for, and 3 things I want to accomplish for that day. Listen, when you get to my age, these are not always ground-breaking, multi-million dollar ideas. They can be simple: make the call to a friend, write a card, change the sheets. That’s it. It is a start!

Of course, it is always good to get outside. Vitamin D is critical, and medical journals say that 42% of people in the US are deficient. I try to get back to the gym in the winter, but not on nice days. It is much better for me to be outside.

According to the “One Minute Manager”, “Goals begin behaviors, and consequences influence future behaviors”. Set a goal. Don’t panic, just set something do-able at first and see how the results change your outlook. Flatirons Church (Boulder) is doing a 35 day challenge and one of the things you are doing each day is helping others. Last Monday I was in the grocery, and within a 30 minute time frame, I helped 3 different people. It was crazy. Part of that was just being AWARE! Look around you…there is so much you can do. It’s easy, and makes your day brighter ! Granted, I’m tall, so helping a shorty with cans on the top shelf is not a stretch. (Ok…cheesy joke)… My do-able goal: when I see someone who needs help, do something!

Back to Fall…2 words that strike fear: TIME CHANGE. The days get shorter and the dark settles in early. I mean, some days we look at each other and think, “Is it bedtime yet?”… We get into a bad habit of TV watching and I am shooting for more reading at night and less TV. Flip on the music (I need music without lyrics when I read). CTD likes, “Beats for Studying” radio on Pandora for work and I like, “Piano Radio” station for reading. Also, may be a good time to hit the gym in the early evenings before dinner.

Don’t find yourself reaching for spring and summer every year. This is life. Life is good. We are blessed!

AUTUMN FIRES: Robert Louis Stevenson

In the other gardens and all up in the vale,
From the autumn bonfires see the smoke trail!
Pleasant summer over, and all the summer flowers,
The red fire blazes, the grey smoke towers.
SING a song of seasons! Something bright in ALL!
Flowers in the summer, fires in the fall!

CoffeeTalkMom

It’s not a birthday or graduation but...

We are kissing chemo goodbye!! For now, he recovers from the cocktail of many medicines that invade to cure and to destroy . We are grateful for all of the research into “cures” and tips from many of you. One thing this has taught us is that each journey is unique. They have come a long way with meds for recovery and nausea. When we started the process we were told, “Most people stop working”. This was never an option for CTD. Staying in a routine and engaged at work has made a big difference. Yesterday was “the longest day”...not by time standards, but just knowing how you will feel following the treatment.

The road ahead is unknown, but we are IN IT for the long haul (we are hoping this “haul” is just down the street)! God may give you more than you can handle (hey...look at the Drachs! There they go again!!), but He also provides friends, family, and co-workers to come alongside you as just the most necessary times. We have a “beer warrior”, a “card warrior...cards come weekly”, and “we will do anything you need” friends. You dont know what you are made of until/unless you go through valleys. This guy is made of: work ethic (he is always learning...even with chemo brain!!), love for his family (can hardly wait to see babies in a couple of weeks!)...he wants to leave a legacy worthy of his boys and he works to do that, humor (yes...we laugh about stuff all of the time!), and his dependence on God to get him through...

THANK YOU to all of you...for things big and small...

CoffeeTalkMom

HOPE in the Ordinary Chaos

It’s the age of information. As a blogger, there is always a tightrope of facts-vs-opinions and the thoughts, “Will I offend someone?”, “Does anyone find this interesting?”, and “Am I the only one going through this?”...but those are the risks you take when you write...most of what CoffeeTalkMom has been is a diary of sorts: life lessons from the fields of parenting and marriage and faith and, well, life. Sometimes life is funny (I always try to find the humor in things), sometimes it is scary (those feelings of “what if?”, and sometimes, well...it is just bland...redundant...nothing...

Most recently, CTD and I were watching something on TV and the word “bored” came out of nowhere. I asked him, “Are you bored?”...”Honestly?...YES” is what he answered. I was taken aback in a way. When we were kids, the word “bored” was an invitation for chores and tasks and school-work...You better never say that word, or you were no longer “bored”! I guess there is a redundancy in chemo. The first day he went, he jumped out of the car like a kid on his first day of class, replete with backpack, water bottle, blanket, ipad, etc... There was a sense of “let’s get this going and over with”. Now, as we enter chemo #4, there is a dread combined with boredom. You sit for 8 hours, knowing that the next three weeks will be a series of stomach aches, work, and naps...followed by a couple of days where you feel almost normal...only to start the process over again...this is the worst kind of “Groundhog Day”. Remember 2020? We ALL felt that way!!

SO...what now? How do you get out of the rut? how do you move forward during a health crisis...? How do you combat the feelings of dread? Here are a few ideas:

LAUGH: OK...we are the LAST people you would think would EVER use TikTok...but there is some FUNNY stuff on there...

WORK: We both feel like it keeps us sharp...even if it is a few hours a day...When he told me he had a “full morning” one day, I said, “Good...I can hear your regular, healthy voice through the wall and it sets my mind at ease”...

WALK: Getting outside...even if it is cold...even for a 20 minute walk...

SEE COLOR: flowers in a vase do wonders and give us hope for green grass and Spring on the way...you don’t have to spend a ton, but something bright helps!!

SMELL: I started baking bread every week...it’s like getting your “hands in the dirt” when it isn’t warm enough to garden.

WATCH: www.agoodmovietowatch.com is a good site for ideas!

ENGAGE: don’t give up meeting with your friends and family! It gives us a sense of “normalcy” in a crazy time...

FOCUS on OTHERS: Boulder last week was a tragedy...that could lead to a different type of blog...but it’s amazing how we can step back from what we are going through a realize that this life is short...and we should spend our time, talent, and treasure on things that really matter...do something for someone else!

Life can feel overwhelming at times, but God gives us the tools to overcome. Don’t be “bored” or I may put you to work!!

For Christians, this is Holy Week...a time for reflection...a time to thank God for all of the gifts and blessings he has given us...a time to take into account the suffering he endured for US....this is particularly evident today:

Romans 5:3-4

...not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope...”

Here’s to H O P E...for all of you!

CoffeeTalkMom

CancerTalkMom

Just for a moment, I thought I should switch my title...not something I ever thought I would do...and something that I truly hope you never have to deal with. It’s amazing how life can change in an instant and, for us, it has meant a cancer diagnosis for CTDad.

Here is the deal: I am no professional on the subject and I have refused to be a Dr. Google for fear that I may see more than I need to know. Sometimes, in the rear-view mirror, you can process the information more carefully. For now, we chose to listen to a carefully chosen doctor and friends who have directly dealt with cancer. I feel like we can just cruise through life with a “that only happens to other people” mentality ...this is us. Until 2 years ago when a fluke accident took Dave’s eye, we had never considered what it would mean to have your vision gone. Until a couple of weeks ago, we had not considered some of the “warning signs” of cancer. This is not in any way meant to scare anyone, but just give you a few things to watch for...we aren’t getting any younger and catching something like this early is key.

Night sweats: Who knew? I thought that was only for women? Dave has always run “hot”, but the past several months he noticed it more and, even a few times, woke up sweaty...not like him.

Unresolved Pain: Don’t ignore pain that doesn’t go away. He figured his “rib pain” was from working out with kettle bells, or that he tweaked something while working on the truck. His first mention of this at a doctor appt was actually in March. He was given anti-inflammatory meds and the pain “resolved” only to come back full force around Thanksgiving

Tired/Run-down: Dave has ALWAYS been up early and gone all day. He started to burn out earlier in the day and go to bed early. We laughed about “getting older” and “not having the same energy”.

Stomach Sensitivity: He ALWAYS loved spicy foods and, for the past year or so, has not felt well after eating them. He is popping TUMS in the middle of the night, and, in general, seemed more picky about food.

This is all good info, but what now?

Find a general doc you can trust: Due to Covid, we actually had just bit the bullet and paid for the private access to our doctor whenever we need him...can I tell you how critical this has been?

Get a physical EVERY year: Don’t pass on this...our doc is with us for 90 minutes asking everything you can imagine. During Dave’s physical, he mentioned the pain again...THAT is what got the ball rolling to this diagnosis!

Get the Recommended Tests: Colonoscopy, mammogram, etc... It may have slight risk, but I would rather know if I have something growing in me...Knowledge is power!

One last thing...when I was in the hospital before Thanksgiving (long story), they tested me for stroke. They told me that if you EVER think a loved one is having a stoke to call an ambulance...DONT drive them to the hospital. When an ambulance comes to the hospital with a possible stroke, they have a stroke team waiting. If you drive someone in, they don’t rush the process and it could make the difference between life and death.

SO there you have it...DR. COFFEETALK!

On another note, THANK YOU for all of the kind notes, texts, gift-cards for meals and everything else that friendship brings. We are grateful for prayers, knowing that God is the ultimate physician!

Love you all,

CoffeeTalkMom

CHRISTmas is NOT Cancelled!

...and for this we should all be grateful. It doesn’t matter what is happening around us, in our world, our crazy lives, or in the government...Jesus came down as a tiny baby to save our world...and that will NEVER change.

We can all get wrapped up in the “poor me” and “what if” mindset this year. Don’t allow your JOY to be stolen! Here are some quick tips and tricks to get yourself “ready” for the week:

Pull out your dusty(?) bible, and take time to read the Christmas story in Luke 2. Keep it on your counter...open...and you will be amazed how it will come alive to you thru your week!

Teach your kids traditional Christmas music. When you hear something over and over, it sticks in your memory...the words are so rich and beautiful. I love all music, but sometimes I wonder if I did a good job passing on the rich, traditional hymns to my boys.

Don’t have time to bake? Take a small treat to your neighbors with a note. A little candle or bag of chocolates go a long way. These are the things that stick in the minds of the people around us!

Watch “Christmas with The Chosen” on YouTube. “The Chosen” is an amazing series on the life of Christ. If you are used to the “typical” Jesus show, be prepared to rock your world. They are filming Season 2 now. Phil Wikham singing “Away in the Manger” is so good!

This year HAS been unique, and the heavens will proclaim this on December 21st. Look to the skies about 45 minutes after sunset. Jupiter and Saturn have not been this close in 800 years ! Experience the “Star of Bethlehem” ! WOW!

Head to church! They are OPEN and safe. Pull off those sweat pants and jeans, and put on your very best.

JOY to the world!
Christ is Born

CoffeeTalkMom

The Beauty of Comparison

Ahh...the comparison trap...we are always reminded not to fall into it. Typically, this is a good idea. There is no point in trying to be the prettiest, skinniest,smartest.most organized, most accomplished person in the world...there will always be someone with more. It can lead us up and endless trail. We think we see the ridge at the top, but it is just a hill ...the peak remains distant and unachievable. It never ends...and it is exhausting...

I was thinking about this the other day when I was in a kind of “down” mood. I had had a particularly rough week. I was focused inward when, in fact, what I needed to do was focus on others. I started to think about the people in my life...not a distant “friend of a friend” but actual family members and friends who have struggled this year. What I found was this: there is a beauty in comparison. When I put my life up against any of their situations, I would chose my own. The qualities that exalt the mind or spirit...that is beauty. Each of these people are beautiful, and that is exactly what I need to achieve in my trials...

2020...what can we say? If my biggest issue is having to stay home (brutal for a social person), I try to remember that a young boy took his life last week in Boulder, a friend needs a liver transplant to live, a sister adopted her niece after her sister was killed by domestic violence, a friend lost both parents in 2020, another with stage 4 cancer and more chemo on the horizon. I strongly believe in perspective. Take time today to put your week into perspective. Reach out to a friend, bring a treat to someone hurting, pray for healing every morning ... What do others see when they look at you. Is their mind “exalted”by your attitude? Find beauty in the comparison and live today to the fullest!

THANKFUL for each of you!

CoffeeTalkMom