Coffee Talk Mom

Whatever happened to REAL men??

Don't get me wrong…I am all about "manscaping"! There is nothing worse than a hairy back or long overgrown Yul Brenner eyebrows when you are trying to talk to a guy! We ladies go all out trying to keep our legs shaved, plucking stray lip chin hairs, lotioning every square inch of our bodies after we get out of the shower etc… There is more of a mandate for women. I must say, this can all go wrong and can become obsessive with some women. They are the ones who are constantly checking themselves in the mirror, inject all kinds of poisons into their bodies (have you seen some of the "real housewives"?), and wouldn't be caught dead without an inch of makeup on in public. Let's face it…BASICS are important and if you have been slacking off, you should probably give yourself some time to re-group! Enough about us!! Back to the guys!

Most women I talk to are less attracted to a man by shear looks, but more by how they come across to others. Does he have a job? Check. Does he care about his wife and family? Check. Does he care about himself? Hummm… There was an uptake in the "metro sexual" in the early 2000's. These are the men who dress to the T, shave all over their bodies, know designer labels, etc… As much as I think they look good…no thanks! I don't want my man to look (or talk like) a chick! I think it is a little strange when a guy doesn't know how to catch a ball, or wear a plaid shirt to work in the yard (Lord have mercy if you wear it out of the yard or garage, Dave!), or have some knowledge on mowing a yard. What happened to the real men? The men who make decisions (leader), lock the doors at night (protector), check the oil in all of the cars (thinker). I have a feeling that we "do it all" moms are kicking ourselves in the butt! After all, our controlling natures have taken away the very essence of who men really are…What do you expect from your man? Maybe we need to be better with the quick communication skills men have. I do most everything around the house, but Dave knows I don't do repairs (except the time I "McGivered" the garage door back into working order J), cars, or garbage. I know he doesn't cook (chili excluded), clean (unless forced), and decorate. I shop FOR him and suggest clothing options, but he isn't falling for the "I want to be 25 again" gear. When it comes to exercise, men have to figure it out. You can't make them do these things. That is why I laughed when, on a recent Sunday, I saw the "man-girdle" photo in the Sunday paper!! Really? DO you want your man wearing that? Dave saw it torn out on the counter (for my blog) and said "I would need a winch included too!"…Hahaha…I guess now he would know how it feels to have on SPANX and your boobs into your neck. For now, I will keep my real man! (No man-SPANX please)

Watch out at Starbucks!

It's that most wonderful time of the year! The kids are back in school, the carpool is up and running, the house is decorated for "fall" and the mom's are back in their "Starbucks run" mode! I love when "pumpkin spice" comes rolling back in to the lineup! One major problem: THE PRICE!!!

Today's conversation with the barista went something like this:

Me: Why do you charge SO much more for a pumpkin spice flavored latte? Isn't it just a "flavor"?

Barista: I don't know…(a smurky but an "I'm so sorry smile")

Dave (business dude): Because they can!

LESSON LEARNED!

Regular Latte: (Grande) about $3.50

Pumpkin Spice Latte: about $4.75

CAREFUL CONSUMER MOMS!!!

 

P.S. Whipped cream and cinnamon is free at Starbucks…

Have you heard the one about…

Picture this. I am in the orthopedic surgeon's office for an appointment. A man walks in with his daughter and wife. They take a seat and start talking at a rapid and loud rate. Not my style, so I immediately stick my head into an old copy of 5280 magazine. I am trying to look busy (I left my cell in the car) and ignoring the fact that I have already read cover to cover this particular copy. You know the sound we all make when someone makes a stupid joke? "dada duh chh" like a drum and cymbal? Well, let's just insert a * for that sound in this particular story.

Wife's phone rings

WHAT?? WHAT?? I can't hear ya Ma! Give me a second I'm going in to the hall.

Door slams leaving the office

Dad to daughter: Finish filling out the paperwork…you are worse that the government *

Daughter: Is it going to hurt?

Dad: I've seen Dr. S. many times. Don't worry, whatever he does to YOU won't hurt ME a bit. *

Wife comes back in (door slams)

Wife: My mom was in the airplane and we had a bad connection

Dad: I didn't know your Mom was a pilot. *

Wife: She's going to Vegas

Dad: She will have to flap really hard for that.*

(Yes, my head is still down but I can't believe what I am hearing and he keeps looking over at me!)

Wife bows her head and starts sleeping (a full on snore starts)

Daughter: I have to go to the bathroom

Dad: you're like your mom on a long road trip. *

Both get up and leave office

Door slams and I am left with a snoring Mom.

Nurse to me: quite the comedian!

Me to myself: Lord…if I am on Candid Camera, please help these jeans make me look skinny.

Door to Office Opens: Dad and daughter are back from bathroom

Dad: removes his carpel tunnel splint and reassesses his black socks and black "exer-shoes" by removing one to adjust the tongue. (YUCK!)

Door Opens: Amy…Come on back!

Best 4 words I have heard all day!!

 

America the Broken…and beautiful…

Where were YOU 10 years ago today? I remember being in my kitchen with the morning news on as usual...running through the house to finish packing our oldest boy for 6^th grade outdoor camp while getting a first grader ready for another school day. As the panic unfolded on the TV, I got Dave out of the shower to see what was happening…it was unreal. It didn't make sense at the time…what do we do? We ended up going off to school to see if we were going ahead with camp. The parents huddled in a small circle asking questions…scared…not sure if they should send their child out of town. Little did we know at the time that sending our 6^th grader out to camp was the BEST decision we could ever make. He was in the mountains of Colorado zip-lining and spending time with his friends. He was not exposed to the quiet moments of tears his Mom was shedding, or the questions his parents were asking, the relief that "daddy" was not on one of the flights that early morning. The endless hours of coverage were almost too much to take. As a parent and adult, you want to know what is going on, if there is any news, but a little bit of depression settles in. I was careful not to have the news too loud when Will was in the room. I know little people and how they process tragedy is completely different. For Americans it was a time of unity. When you die, it doesn't matter if you were a janitor or an executive…it should be that way when you are here too. SO often we equate worth with wealth. September 11^th, we all realized that it didn't matter: kids were left without their fathers and mothers. I had my kids.

 

They say there are stages to grief. I think America went through the stages of grief in many ways. Numbness and denial were on that day. The questions of "Did that really happen?" peppered with a feeling of despair. Dave's birthday is September 12. It was a bit of a stretch to celebrate that next day. We almost felt a kind of guilt as we went through the motions. Anger felt almost immediate as we wanted "revenge" for our pain. You asked for war?? WE as Americans will give you war and we will win! I guess war is a process and something many of us with small children took for granted. My boys are fighting age now…what is worth fighting for? Our freedom is worth fighting for. I can honestly say that even today, if my boys decided to go into the service and fight for our country, I would be NOTHING if not proud. Sadness and withdrawal lasted months. When I see photos or video of the walls of faces I still cry today. Can you remember watching the newscasts that week, seeing friends and family asking about their loved ones and wondering if anyone had seen them? Did they somehow wander into another safe place and disappear? We knew there was so little hope after seeing the towers fall. Reorganizing is what we do when we try to re-group after such an event. Our schools somehow became locked up like prisons, our airports a place of nerves and tensions. You do what you have to do. You let go and move on in time. I am sure the families of those lost will NEVER forget their loved ones…the feeling of loss and despair. We have all settled back in to our lives, our business, our families.

 

We are still broken in America. Political correctness has taken over again. We have let our guards down. It has been 10 years now...our memories are becoming clouded and rusty. I recently heard a radio talk show host say "Are we spending too much time on the subject…what do you think?"… My answer is NO. This was the biggest act of war on America since Pearl Harbor. We can never allow ourselves to forget the feelings we had that day, the thousands lost to evil, the babies left without parents. It's called HISTORY and it is a large part of our American history now. We were attacked by radical Muslims who think American is a place of evil. We will NEVER be able to change the hearts and minds of evil. Only God can do that.

There is NO better place in the world. America is beautiful. Fight for it and never forget.

I haven’t decided yet!

When Thomas was in high school we had a little saying whenever I asked him a question: "I haven't decided yet" he would reply. I am feeling a little bit that way lately as we are wrapping up the first week of William having his license…Am I happy to have the freedom? Excited for him to have some wheels? Ready to keep my PJ's on for another hour? "I haven't decided yet"! You see, for us moms, driving our kids around becomes a blessing and a curse. On your one hundredth mile in a 10 miles radius during the course of ONE day, you start to feel more like a school bus driver than a valuable part of a family. It becomes tedious and you could literally go to any of those 4 or 5 locations blindfolded. I have even been known to take off for one of the "common locales" to realize that I need to be going somewhere else all together. I am literally on auto mode! Have you ever asked your husband to do one of the "runs" only to have him come home and sermonize on the traffic , crazy moms, and tedium of standing in lines. "This is my life" I said one day after Dave had navigated the likes of Costco on a Friday afternoon. He always gives me props (or so he thinksJ) …"I would die if I had to do that all of the time".

Cars are more importantly a sort of "prison" for our kids whereby us moms (and dads) have a captive audience and a chance to catch up and talk without your kid walking out of the room for something "more important". Some of the best conversations have happened in our car. After school, my boys liked to tell me what was happening that day in a sort of ADD cluster conversation which included subjects such as teachers/subjects/sports/band/ girls and whatever came to mind. By the time Dad came home, we had already kind of "been there and done that" and I would have to pry the conversations out. I remember one conversation specifically when William was little and Thomas was running a COKE machine at the local pool. It has been great to have the boys 5 years apart because Will was always apparently learning life's lessons and mistakes from his older brother. We were rounding the corner with our khakis and polo shirts in place and Will exclaimed (in front of our cute car pool 5^th grade girl) "When I get my first job, I am not going to have a vending machine, I am going to have a machine that gives you that gas stuff that the dentist gives you"…Oh my goodness!! I thought I was going to choke on my coffee, swerve off the road, and make an immediate phone call to Moriah's mom! I explained to William that the "good stuff" from the dentist was actually a drug and it would probably be illegal to disperse that as a job!! SO many of life's important subjects have been tackled in the car…tears, laughs, and lots of morning prayers and love. Now that Will is driving, it is those times I will miss. I am sure I would take back the cranky moms in the car pool line and waiting for hours of my life for the occasional " Love you too Mom"….Am I ready to say goodbye to the mom-pool job? I haven't decided yet!

I didn’t mean to “SAVE” $$ today!

It all started when I opened a shoe-box with a pair of shoes that I bought on sale last week. I was going to lunch with girlfriends, so I thought it would be a great time to wear them in! Much to my surprise, when I opened the box, there was the second shoe…staring me in the face…uhh…one problem…it was a different COLOR!

I had a 30 minute opening so I rushed back to MACYS with the shoes. When I got there I quickly realized that they had FURTHER reduced the priced to 75% off! I handed the lady the box and off she went into the back room of shoes…that mysterious place where the sales-clerks emerge with a little bit of heaven for us women. It was taking awhile, so I marched myself right over to my size big shoes (I have been an 11 since the 9^th grade)…uh oh…more shoes! The clerk returned and had both the black AND brown pair…and I was holding 2 additional pair. I had a guilty look on my face but who can resist?? When I approached the register I mentioned that I had not worn the shoes yet but I would "feel bad" returning them and re-buying them. Much to my surprise, she said "No Problem…I'll do it!"…So she gave me BOTH pair for the price of the pair from last week…Are you still following me?? Two for one and I hadn't spent ANY money yet! THEN…a pair of leather flip flops that were $20 were $5…another pair of shoes originally $45 were $11.50…my total for 4 pair of shoes was $16.50. WAIT! I have an additional 20% coupon from the mail! Total: $13.20!! This is getting crazy…I think I robbed Macys!

Now back to me…my frustration for having to go back to Macys was gone…God works in mysterious ways!

Coffee Talk Mom

 

P.S. 75% off today and this week…get in there!!