A Starbucks on the porch
"I'm not a very compassionate person"
This was once said to me by a very good friend that I sing with in my church choir every Sunday. I laughed out loud at his candor at the time. Trust me, we all have our "gifts" and he was just being honest. This same "not very compassionate" person, who self admittedly doesn't have a lot of empathy for people left a Starbucks coffee at my door, along with a chunk of coffee cake. He then preceded to "text" me to check outside my door if I was home. Well...I was home, because I am (still!) recovering from major neck surgery. Today is day 10 post-op and I have had hours and sometimes days to think about how blessed I am to have the friends that I have. One quandary for most people (including my closest friends) was that they didn't want to bother me, or see me hurting, or creep out at the thought of stitches across my throat. I have to say, I can't blame them. It's hard to see your friends hurting, and even harder to feel like there is NOTHING you can do to help. There is ALWAYS something. I have about 20 cards on my counter that I have read through more than once, many from people whom I don't even know in my choir. I have flowers on the table next to me. This may seem trite to you, but on the cloudy days, I look across the table to light and color and it actually makes me feel alive. I had a friend come and sit and flip off her shoes and chat for a little while just to pass the time. It makes you feel NORMAL and, after surgery, when everyone goes back to their lives and their jobs and their kids it helps to feel like you are still in the human race.
There are exceptions to the rule. My sister jumped on the first flight out the morning after surgery to help my husband deal with what will be months of rehab and "no lifting". Her tender care during those first 5 days made a huge difference. AT one point I insisted on a shower. Both she and Dave freaked and told me NO WAY…no shower for 3 days. YUCK. There is something about not rinsing off. It wasn't that I was smelly…I was sitting in one spot. Her solution was to wash my feet in a giant bowl and shave my lower legs. Who does this? Well, I guess Jesus did…but I doubt he shaved any legs. Some people don't flinch. They do whatever needs to get done. I am so grateful.
I am not the type of person to accept meals…but this week I have learned that people WANT to help and that is one thing that REALLY helps. I don't have picky eaters in this house and knowing that a meal would walk through the door in the early evenings was a life saver. Some (many) of my friends don't cook…they left gift cards.
I have also learned the advantage of texting. I have a couple of friends who have continued to text me each day…no long conversations (I couldn't even speak for about 5 days post op), but an attachment to the world. One close friend is in Hawaii. She sent me a photo of the pool and the amazing hotel where she was staying. I quickly texted back my slippered feet with the fireplace in the backdrop and HGTV on the television. We laughed.
I have spent hours watching HGTV (I don't really know how to search the channels in the den). Much to Dave's chagrin, I now want a "house manager" named Howard and an $80,000 aquarium. I have converted my high school son to House Hunters International and he now wants a climbing wall at a mountain house.
I've prayed a lot. I have spent many quiet hours in gratitude with my dog at my feet.
I have learned so much from being out of commission and I hope that I never forget what it feels like because regardless of your compassion, you can always leave a Starbucks on the porch.
Happy Weekend!
Coffee Talk Mom
NEXT WEEK: The "D" WORD
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