Christmas is upon us and after spending 2 months more or less at home, I have had numerous conversations with friends about the STRESS of the holidays. Most notorious throughout the conversations was a taboo subject that I plan to tackle with the help of those friends: UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS aka people who are hard to please, get along with, or be in the same room with! You must admit that there is probably someone in your life who brings out the absolute WORST in you. One way to tell is that you catch yourself thinking, "I don't act this way! Why am I feeling so defensive? Why do I feel less worthy than the other person? Why do I feel small?" At Christmas, many of these relationships resurface after a year of avoidance, healthy boundaries, or geography. How should we deal with situations that put us on the spot? JUST BREATHE and remember this acrostic:
B oundaries: This may be physical. Keep yourself in the other part of the house or at the far end of the dinner table. This may be verbal. Keep talk general and don't try to tackle subjects that you KNOW will cause controversy with the other person: politics, new diets and exercise regimes, personal religious inquiries, or showing off in any way with facts about your kid's awards, grades, or parental discipline techniques.
R espect: Even if the other person does not respect you and your boundaries, remember, you cannot be responsible for their behavior, only your own.
E ntertain: Try to do something other than TALK! Include a game for the kids or white elephant gifts. This releases the energy in the room to be used laughing and not crying or angry.
A nticipate: If this person (s) is someone who knows how to push your buttons, prepare some answers in advance and be prepared to be amazed at how "together" you look and how ridiculous the other person feels when they cross lines. Less is more with some of these conversation monopolizers!
T hank God: If there is one thing that is universal among my friends, life is short. If this was the last thing you said to that person, would you be proud of your responses and/or comments? Thank God in prayer before you go that He has brought you to that place for a purpose and ask Him to protect your heart and mind.
H elp: When all else fails, do the dishes, or run the game…keep busy rocking the baby or playing with the little ones. Sometimes it is the best excuse and the young parents are thrilled to have the break. This can remove you from a heavy discussion and bring you back to what is truly important: Barbie-vs-Ken.
E xit: Make a plan to stay for a respectful amount of time, pitch in, then leave before any taboo subjects are blurted out. This can especially be the case when alcohol is involved. . Last year we went to a work party that was truly a disaster. It was nice to just put a smile on our faces, grab our coats, and run for the door with no guilt.
Get back into your car and BREATHE! You did it!!
Merry Christmas Coffee Talk Peeps!
Coffee Talk Mom
Yay, Amy! Merry Christmas.
Posted by: Sandy Schiel | 12/07/2012 at 09:04 AM