The New Career

Last week I was filling out paperwork to close on another flip house. Each title company is different, so this one was one I had not used. Apparently, to make things “easier”, you fill out a pile of stuff in advance of the closing. As I worked my way thru the stack, I was shocked to discover that my license was out of date!! It had expired on my birthday! Of course, knowing my luck, I was destined to be pulled over, carted off to jail, and end up on Dateline.

Here’s the good news. The DMV is more streamlined. You actually MUST make an appointment to renew your license. The bad news is you may or may not need to drive with an expired license for a month. So as Tuesday approached the big day, I readied myself! I washed my hair and put on a bit of makeup. I mean this photo is for 10 years!! This is important stuff. Each time you peel it out of your wallet, there is a chance that someone will judge you and, worse yet, look at your weight and height! UGH!! These are the things nightmares are made of. As per my usual morning routine, I called Nanny to discuss my day’s plans. She casually asked me if I was nervous. “NERVOUS?” …”Nan, why would I bet nervous?”…She was concerned that I may have to drive with the guy in vest with the name badge. I reassured her that I would be fine and proceeded to check in “from the car” and then told what counter to proceed to. I can assure you I have never walked into a DMV and had the lady say, “Are you Amy?”…WOW…I mean…this is service!!

First of all, don’t sleep on the eye test!! DANG…I swear I was 25 feet from the wall, she casually lifted a draped piece of felt to show the dreaded “EYE” poster. She pointed to the very bottom line. I mean, “WHAT?”…I am not a police officer identifying a stolen vehicle on a high speed chase!! I barely got through it…and even with that (and my glasses on!!!) I think she showed me some grace…I mean an “R” or a “K”? I don’t know!

Now for my big chance to look good…My hair is on point, the makeup is good…I approach the desk, she takes my money, asks me to stand on a piece of tape, and BANG!!! Before I knew what was happening, the photo was done. I began to 🙏🏽 pray. Sometimes, God has other plans, our prayers are not answered the way we are expecting…HE has another purpose. Much to my dismay she yelled, “I think I got it”…OH LORD.

Sidenote: I know the Christmas season can be stressful, and sometimes we just need a little moment of humor…so with that being said…here is a nice photo montage of: What I thought I looked like…-vs- the actual results. Did that breeze on the way thru the door ruffle my perfect coif? Did I grow another chin ? Have I been arrested for attempting to distribute pot? Bask in the glory of my new photo for a moment.

This brings me to the ultimate purpose of this blog: I think I have found my new calling. I am destined to be the new face of the DMV…I will call myself the “DMV STYLIST”. I can stand right by picture lady and harken back to my childhood 2nd grade photo session. All I will need are some of those black combs in the blue liquid, some lip gloss, and some ready tips on how to hold your head. Does anyone else remember the line, “Tuck your chin”, shoulders back, turn your hips…OMG…I would be the most popular DMV employee ever. Those clients would walk out of there with their heads held high and a 10 year legacy of beauty for their families and friends to behold. I guess sometimes you just have to laugh…or potentially “lose” your license and spend another $30 bucks? I haven’t made that decision yet.

In the midst of the holidays, find something’s to smile and laugh about. You cannot buy the chaos and energy of a full house. Enjoy every minute and until next year!

Merry Christmas,

CoffeeTalkMom