Coffee Talk Mom

A Love Letter to My Boy on Your Wedding

Buzz...As a child, you were a ball of energy and drool...you were a challenge after having our neat and tidy Thomas...The bible says “Train your child up in the way he should go and he will not depart from it”...The “he should go” part was a little hard for us. We tried everything!: ice skating (remember that, Cole?), roller hockey, soccer, flag and tackle football, basketball, track, cup stacking, archery, judo, and debate...but when you swam you always had a smile on your face.
You used to jump into a swimming pool as if you were an Olympic swimmer...but ya...you couldn’t swim yet...you would just look up from the bottom of the pool and reach for my hand...I was always there to raise you to the surface for that breath of air that would re-energize your next jump.

Buzz...you no longer need me to reach down and bring you to the surface...now you can swim...and beautiful Kaylee will be there to pick you up when you need an extra hand. Kaylee, we are so grateful to God for you...We always dreamed that Will would find someone special to walk through life with. the first time I met you, I was trying to mix coleslaw for a crowd...so I did what I thought would be best...I threw it into a garbage bag and asked you and Mare to mix it outside by shaking it...I’m sure you thought, “Dear Lord...what kind of family is this?”... We are glad you’re still “swimming with us “..,
So Buzz...think of it this way , Jesus is your lifeguard and Kaylee your best friend...Dad and I and the rest of the family are sitting on the edge of the pool with our feet in the water sipping margaritas...we are there if you need us and ready to jump in! You will always be our baby boy...but we are grateful you have grown into the man you are today: loyal, strong, capable...we are grateful for each of your groomsmen and friends...we love you both!

I’ll always be your Mom...

CoffeeTalkMom

Pride and Privilege

While in the midst of “Snowmagedon” yesterday here in Colorado, I took some time to catch up on the house, the news, life in general...I read some articles about the “College Scandal” involving rich parents trying to get their kids into “elite” schools. At first, it kind of made me sick, then it made me laugh. Granted, there were potential students who were NOT accepted because these spoiled kids took their places...I still had to stop for a minute to think how the world has changed.

My parents are from hard working-class small town Nebraska. Everything they have, they made on their own and no one ever handed them anything. This translated into my life in ways that, at the time, I hated. Now, I am grateful. Back in the late 70’s we moved to Colorado Springs and landed in a very affluent part of town. The purpose was to get us kids into a great school district. It worked. Over 90% of my high school went to college. College was “the plan”. After several lunches and interviews, I received the Rotary Scholarship. This was the biggest thing I had ever accomplished. It was $500. I’ll never forget one of the candidates (I wont say who) walked up to me and said, “I never thought it would be YOU”... I remember feeling deflated and unworthy. After all, this particular guy was popular and smart and “worthy”. My parents were pretty happy. They had 4 kids, 2 of which would be in school at the same time. That money went straight to tuition. I remember thinking that it would take some stress off of them. I would still need to work for spending money and gas, but somehow I was “helping”. It was up to me to pick a couple of schools to apply ...not 10...applications are expensive. At the time, I think it cost upwards of $25 per application. Again, that was “waste”. I ended up at CU Boulder with a partial athletic scholarship (training) and off I went. I was (and am) extremely grateful. I remember getting my first credit card. I put (God help me) a pair of boots on it. They were $35 and I thought, “Good God, help me pay these off”.

Money was a privilege, not a right.

Money was earned, not given.

A degree was hard fought, not “paid for”.

I think the reason I “laughed” a little when I read this was because, these kids are so CLUELESS. Mommy and Daddy can make everything better with a credit card. They can BUY your degree and your “value” in life. Guess what? YOU are in charge of your value. Mom and Dad cannot fix you with money. Wake Up, Parents! Teach your kids to work, to save, to value their own achievements because they EARNED them.

When you make your kids pay for something out their “own” money, it teaches them VALUE. Stop paying for everything. My “summer money” aka...minimum wage...went for gas and clothing. At the time, I’m sure I was too immature to understand what I was learning and the purpose of the plan. NOW...I get it. It’s okay to take pride in something well earned.

Thanks CoffeeTalkNan and CoffeeTalkPops!

Cash is King,

CoffeeTalkMom

Why Every Kid Needs a Dog

 

Growing up, we always had a dog and I am not sure why we waited so long to get the boys a dog. I guess we always had the typical reservations:

 

Who will end up taking care of the dog? (Easy...me!)

Who will vacuum the hair ( Again...me)

Pick up the poop (you guessed it...me)

Take the dog to the vet ( me again)

 

You know the drill, moms!  

 

Thomas and I were working out at the rec center shortly after the death of my nephew.  Out from the classifieds by the front entrance peeked Lexi and about 3 other puppies available "for sale"... At the time, we thought we wanted a black lab, but after we talked each other into going to check them out, we informed CTDad (who was busy at work, of course) that we had found a dog... A yellow lab...sweet and unassuming.  She would have "papers" ...whatever that means...and for the low, low price of $300, we could be the proud owners of a puppy.  CT Papa felt so strongly about us moving forward that he chipped in some $$$ and Lexi girl was ours.  I must say, after 12 years, it may be the best money we ever spent as a family.  

 

Once we were off to the races, we trained her (time consuming but worth every minute!) and the boys chipped in with the duties of dog ownership.  I remember her being scared the first night in the house and, rather than taking her out of her kennel, grabbing a pillow off the couch and sleeping on the floor next to her.  Within a year, she was getting the morning paper from the driveway (rain, snow, sleet, or hail) and she contributed more to the house than we ever expected.  You see, dogs teach kids about life:

 

It's not all about YOU and your every need.

Empathy for others.

Doing something for another living being.

Care and feeding of others.

A good petting may fix everything.

Walking and staying in shape for the sake of your very needy dog.

How to love something more than yourself.

There are huge advantages to unconditional love.

Self care (i.e. I'm brushing my dog, maybe I should brush my own teeth and hair!).

When you take care of others, there may be "crap" involved.

 

 

As I type, my doggie sits quietly next to me.  She has recently lost her hearing and as the boys have grown and gone, she still stays close and love the daily (much shorter) walks.  I am back to (mostly) picking up and feeding, with the occasional help from CTBoy... Life is good...but life is better...with a dog.

 

Happy Tails,

 

Coffeetalkmom

 

 

12 things every parent should know about raising good kids

When in doubt...remember these !
1. No child is perfect..neither are their parents: You can set up all of the rules and regulations you want, we all stumble..chose your battles and admit when you have an epic fail as a parent. It may be something simple like verbally showing regret at an unkind word. Kids are like elephants...they remember everything! (esp. the stumbles) 2. Kids like boundaries: Most of my "adopted" kids over the years never minded the house rules and in fact liked knowing someone actually cared about what they were doing. Ill never forget a "recording studio" moment when my oldest was in high school. 4 letter words were flowing from the mouth of a goth dude and I quickly rushed upstairs much to the surprise of goth boy. I think I heard some laughing, but I didn't care...that junk didn't work in our house. 3. You are not allowed to give up...follow thru when they are little! It is SO much easier to ignore the junky stuff your kids do. You're tired, burned out, and in need of a 4:00 glass of Pinot Grigio...Dont let it slide. Kids learn how to use those times and what is REALLY a rule. That 3 minute timeout away from the other kids teaches a ton! 4. Letting it go...always catches up with you..Small issues become big issues very quickly. If you have a no drinking rule, abide by it. No one is mad, it's just the rule. 5. Nothing bad ever comes from putting God first, others second and yourself last. Kids are so self-focused, that thinking about helping others, serving others and giving a tithe out of their own money teaches self control, ethics, and a moral code. God is no dummy. 6. Family dinners are critical. If you are "too busy" for this rule, then you are TOO BUSY! Its not necessarily about the food, but more about relationships within the family. 7. Thank you notes are non-negotiable. If your kids are blessed enough to get multiple gifts on birthdays or Christmas, just tell them they can use that toy or gift card just as soon as you see the "thank you" written and addressed. Use discretion depending upon the age. 8. There is a difference between being active and involved and over-kill sports and activities. This rule speaks for itself. If your child simply attends school, then heads home to the couch, maybe a sport or activity is in the cards. If you are leaving a baseball tournament early for basketball tryouts and a karate test, re-think your priorities. Chances are you are not following thru on #6 9. Nothing good happens after midnight......period...yes...that is a large period! The kids are either doing something they shouldn't, thinking about doing something they shouldn't or driving around people who have already done it! 10. It's never too late to be a good parent. Start today. Start small. Make or order a dinner and set the table. 11. There will be winners and losers ..that is LIFE. "Everyone wins" isn't the way it is in the real world. Learn it and accept it young. Everything isn't always EQUAL or FAIR. 12. LOVE your spouse and show your kids how much that relationship means to you. Kids see this and model it later in life. Men, this is critical to raising mannerly young men and future fathers who are willing to stand in the gap for their families under any circumstances.

The D Word

When I was young and in my teens and 20's I was always the life of the party (surprise!), organizing events and rush chairman of my college sorority. That is why, when I got married and had my first baby at 25, I didn't know what hit me when I got home from the hospital. It actually started AT the hospital and much to my surprise I was crying as the nurse rolled me out to the car with my newborn, perfect, healthy baby and my doting husband. What is wrong with me?? Ahh…"baby blues" I was told. Humm…I guess I had read "What to Expect…" and chalked it up to that. As the days, then weeks rolled on, I knew it was something more. I could cry day and night. My body was reacted physically by not eating, sleeping, and frankly, I was a wreck. When I went to my doctor (who was and is a friend) I was told that it would pass, and sure enough, after 3-4 long months of hell, it started to become more of a low simmer and less of a raging fire. Granted, I never wanted to hurt the baby or myself, I felt alone in a dark (we lived in Seattle so this was LITERAL) world where everyone was going about their schedules and routines and I was an ungrateful, sulking mom.

It was 5 years later, we had moved back to Colorado, and I was pregnant with my second son. I felt a low boil starting, went straight to my doctor, and together we made a plan for what is now termed "post partum depression". This was the "D" word. I was nuts, crazy, unstable and embarrassed to tell anyone. All it took was delivery, and once again I was in tears day and night. This time, my sister and Mom were present to see the results and encouraged me to make the call to the doctor. I'll never forget the appointment. I sat in the waiting room, unable to hold back my tears. It took the doctor about 20 seconds to realize that I was the poster child for PPD. It's easy to deny when you are the go-getter, the encourager, the party planner. This was real because this meant drugs…no more nursing. When you are married to Mr. "glass half full" it is very hard to explain. It is a sort of emptiness, aloneness, an empty bucket. The outspoken, opinionated wife and mom are gone. Common in your everyday language are the phrases: "That's fine" and "I don't care". It lasts longer than 2 weeks ("baby blues") and most likely, you need help. I went on 2 meds, and within 3 months I was well, and off the meds.

8 years ago I lost someone dear to my heart. He was a gorgeous, smart, and kind beyond words young man. He was more of a friend…he was my nephew. When he was gone, the cloud returned and this time it was for good. I always think of it like this: Your life is a big bucket (like the ones at the gardening centers). When you throw stress into the bucket one or two at a time, your mind and spirit can handle it. Say you get a ticket on the way to taking your kids to school and then your kid comes home sick with the stomach flu later in the day. Crummy day, but you change the sheets, write the check, tuck everyone in and the next day the world looks different. When you have depression and the bucket gets full and starts to tip and the symptoms return from their long reprieve. Too much in the bucket! (in my case a potential move, new job, major surgery, kid in college, hs senior making decisions, traveling and commuting husband…)

I have come a long way. My mentality about sharing this has come a long way. God puts pain in our lives and sometimes we just don't get it! Frankly, it feels crappy and at the time you don't really care what the "purpose" is. My encouragement to you is to HANG ON and GET HELP if you need it. I have shared this with so many new young moms and adults too. This can run in families and I am thankful that there is not as much stigma in society about it. Your body is not responding normally and you may need help. Some people find help holistically, but this has not been my experience.

I am pretty bad about "staying on" typically telling myself 3-4 times a year, "I'm fine"! Most recently, last spring I was off for a couple of months and got pretty high on myself ("I HAVE CONQUERED!") until I found myself crying at graduations and commercials on TV. I know better. I AM better.

This month has been a struggle (maybe it is hospitals!), but I know there is help, and friends, and my family who love me. ….

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning" Psalm 30:5

" I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint" Jer: 31:25

The cloud is lifting! Today is a new day! Have a great one Coffee Talk Peeps!

CTM

Top 10 “What do you think?” moments …Fall Edition

10. Pelvic Mesh Commercials…REALLY?? Are they necessary??...I should have been a lawyer!

9. Brach's Pumpkins: They seem like a good idea at the time…until you realize they have 160 calories. For 6!!

8. The President of the United States partying with Beyonce and JayZ…and appearing on Letterman…while our country's flag is being burned overseas..in multiple countries..uhhhh??

7. Homecoming at the local high schools…where the kids don't go to the school…they go to dinner and to the movies. What happened to tradition? It's called HOME-coming for a reason people!

6. High School refs in the NFL? Watching Monday night football was ri-dunk-u-lous!

5. Christmas decorations in the stores…I think I'll whip up a nice Santa door wreath before Halloween!@#$?

4. Speaking of Halloween…I don't like it…Maybe because I had to be a witch with my sister every year while growing up. Good Lord...when she grew out of her costume, I got it! I just wanted to be Barbie!

3. Justifying terrorism because of a You Tube video that no one has seen…I don't see Mormons killing people because of the popular "Book of Mormon" Broadway play that makes fun of their religion…hum…

2. Paying over $350 in "fees" for my public high school student (NOT including books!!!)

1. Political Commercials...OM!! Let's call it a draw and have radio silence until November 6!!

Important Issues, I know!

Have a GREAT Week

Coffee Talk Mom

Where were you?? What now?

Does it amaze anyone else reading here today that it is the ELEVENTH Anniversary of 9-11? It seems like just yesterday I was making a lunch for Thomas as he was going off to 6^th grade outdoor camp and clicked on the kitchen TV. It was surreal at the time…almost like what I was watching was something made up for TV ratings, or a what-if scenario. As the tragedy unfolded on live TV, we had to make a decision as parents. Were we forced, under huge pressure, to decide if we would send our child into the mountains of Colorado to enjoy Outdoor Ed or keep him where we knew he was close and (in our mind) safe.

The BEST decision we ever made was to send him to camp. The school district was excellent and off he went completely AWAY from any televisions or radios for the next 5 days. Our oldest is very connected to life and the world around him. Little did we know, God was providing us (and especially him ) a hedge of protection. YES, he eventually saw most of the coverage, but it wasn't live and it didn't seem as physically close when we could sit with him and explain…although when it came right down to it, we had NO explanation…that took awhile. How does any religion HATE so much that they want to physically harm thousands of innocent people. I have come to realize that radical Islam is just that…RADICAL! There is evil in the world, and there always will be.

I think it is important, especially as we age (yes, I am talking from experience) to educate our children and to keep the memory of that day alive. It was and IS a historical event that we as a country should NEVER forget. I must say, I didn't hear anything about terror in the speeches from the past couple of weeks. Let's face it, when we are 16 trillion in debt as a country, the priorities change. Like it or not, it is not front and center during this season of political junk. Maybe the weight is on us now. We must teach our children about religion (good, bad, and otherwise)…we must teach them history…and about being diligent with their safety. How many of us thought we would ever have to remove our shoes to go through security at an airport? If you think back, one of the big issues at that time was national security and how these pilots were able to train at American flight schools and go unnoticed. Isn't it amazing that we can vote in many places without an ID?, drive? but we can't go past the front desk at DIA without it? Where do we, as Americans, stand on the issues of border patrol? Is it being unkind to others (or in my case non-Christian) to say, "Wait a minute! You need to earn your right to be a citizen of the USA"…What would I need to do to become a citizen of Mexico for instance?? I would be shot dead for crossing a fence into that country. We are Land of the Free and Home of the Brave after-all…we gotta' let everyone in! (who is paying the bill is another blog)…

My question to you is what did you learn from 9/11 and how did our country change for the better? Did we change enough? Did we forget who and what really happened that day? I can guarantee that the families affected have not forgotten the pain they experienced that day. Let's encourage each other today … to speak to our kids at dinner tonight, to vote on November 6^th, and most of all to pray and thank God for this amazing country we live in! What now?

Coffee Talk Mom

So about this Labor Day deal...

...not sure CoffeeTalkMom and friends have it all down. 

I guess during prelude to LD weekend, my computer was infected by a virus and I had to shut it down until CT Dad returned from a work trip to rebuild the computer. The rebuild started Friday and continued through Saturday. Wilst the computer was down, CT family noticed the hot water in the house was not working. Low and behold, by Friday I was doing the shock rinse shower which is basically when you stick your leg in the water and from pure shock, the body part retracts and alas..Slowly but surely you are kind of ...well...rinsed. 

Being the good wife and Mom, I started laundry and it wasn't long before I realized that the dryer was not drying the clothes. As any good woman of the wild would do, I called my teenage son into the laundry room, detached the hose going from the dryer to the exterior of the house, and pulled out a bunch of fuzz and to the cheering of the crowds (I wish) removed a chunk of paper looking suspiciously like a very old, folded up piece of homework. Hurray!...now we were on a roll... Wait! what is CT Dad doing now?

Apparently, while the lawn was being mowed, 2 sprinkler heads were damaged and needed to be fixed...why not? it's Labor Day weekend! From. A distance I see the dog digging "just like dad" and I secretly looked forward to a dog wash as well. 

Now back to the interior...The master bathroom toilet was making noise and seemed to be shifting on the tile floor. In order to fully examine the unit, CT Dad completely removed the toilet and put it in ...where else?....The Bathtub! where it currently resides. I guess this gal will be high tailing down the hall for her middle of the night activity!...Pray!

Back to me...I usually don't iron...I am bad at it and mostly just touch up the kids t-shirts and jeans. So, in the quest to finish the laundry, I plugged in the iron to do my thing. Oh My ?..The cord makes a huge POP sound and flames start shooting out of the socket. I start to scream! BUZZ! he is into electricity right? CT dad comes bounding around the corner in time to find a wooden handled hammer to remove the cord from the wall...Holy cow...I am stressed out just thinking about the house burning down or worse...getting electrocuted. I mean, we are all going to go, but I don't want to see my Savior after wielding an iron ! I can see the obituary now.."She was a decent Mom and wife, but unfortunately lost her battle with the laundry by succumbing to an electrical incident with her iron.". 

After a trip to Home Depot for sprinkler parts and Target for a new iron, we packed a duffle and headed to the Rec Center for a shower. After all, it's a holiday weekend and no one is available to fix the hot water heater until Tuesday. Why not take a dip in the hot tub? Much to CT Dad's dismay, he hopped out of the pool to see his good, underwater watch fogging up. Guess we will add a trip to the jeweler to our "honey do" list...For now, we are exhausted and all done with our LABOR DAY!

Hope your weekend is better than ours started!

Coffee Talk Mom