Coffee Talk Mom

...Something Blue

January and February are tough months in Colorado. The days are still short, and the color has not returned to the landscape, so I take this time to “think blue” in my house. The countless ornaments and tchotchkes are packed away and it feels good to dust and start with a fresh slate. There is typically a method to my madness for decorating for the seasons, so here are some easy and inexpensive tips.

The Coco Chanel fashion rule stands for your house: take a look around and then take “One thing off”. This isn’t the season to fill your shelves and every flat surface with “stuff”...so think about STREAMLINING your space.

Focus on something you love: We just framed a very special print from our artist friend in Boulder and we LOVE the colors and style. I based the colors for the den around this special piece. There is something calming about it. Select the FOCUS of your room. (Www.willdayart.com)

Think about changes that don't cost an arm and a leg: RECHARGE YOUR PILLOWS AND THROWS. I have found the best way to do this (with pillows) is NOT to buy a bunch more, but rather to change out the covers. Target used to sell them ...wha wha...no more...so IKEA is the spot I typically find new covers. I love the use of velvet all winter long. The throw I had to shop around for (mostly because I wanted a comfy one and a specific color). I found it at Marshalls for $14.99.

I just couldn’t get myself to ditch my new flocked tree (no ornaments) into the depths of the basement, so I used it in the den to bring a winter -feel into the room. There are no rules about this. I just LOVE white twinkle lights. If I could, I would have them up all year! If you don’t see yourself doing that, BRING IN A FRESH HOUSE PLANT. It is good for the air in the room and adds something “alive”!

It’s just a puzzle kind of season. When football is on, or we want to spend time doing something other than T.V., it’s fun to mess with a puzzle or play a game. KEEP AN ALTERNATIVE TO THE TV CLOSE.

Hope this keeps you in the “winter spirit”! Speaking of “something blue”, I get a new daughter in a couple of weeks!

HAPPY DAYS!

CoffeeTalkMom

YAY! It’s a NEW YEAR!!

“Behold, I am making all things new”

Don’t you love a fresh start? I have always been the type of person who likes to turn the page on a new month. The paper is white and crisp. YES, I still use a paper calendar ...and read paper books...Writing by hand also helps me to focus on what I am saying without distraction. It feels good to start new! Many of you know what kind of year 2019 was for us, so this feels good! With that in mind, here are some tips for 2020.

Make goals...but keep them do-able. There’s nothing worse than having January 17th come and realize, “Hey...I haven’t stuck with a single goal!”. 17 days is what “experts” have said is the typical “fall off the wagon day”. Do yourself a favor: BE REALISTIC

Give yourself something to look forward to...maybe you cant afford a big, fabulous trip. It isn’t about the extravagance . When winter is still in full swing, I need something in February to look forward to. January tends to be a regrouping and almighty “paying of the bills” month. February needs a night out, a concert, night downtown...something! TREAT YOURSELF

You know those things you constantly put off? Make a list of them and start knocking them out. This helps me feel accomplished and less like I have a bunch of stuff “hanging over my head”. Make the mammogram appointment (picking up the phone is the worst part), organize tax stuff, write your thank you notes, clear the desk off: TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS

I’m sure in all of the years of writing I have said this 10 times: BE QUIET. It’s okay not to fill every minute of every day with “stuff”. It doesn’t count to fill your time with Netflix either. Sometimes you just need to quiet your mind...even for 5 minutes a day!


I don’t care how hot or cold it is: GET OUTSIDE I have had the worst cough for the past 8 days and also struggle with anxiety. I must be outside in fresh air...every day. Stop making excuses. Walk out your door...even for 10 minutes. It clears my mind, wakes me up, and refreshes my day. The other night I was feeling so yucky and coughing. I literally opened my front door, stepped outside and took a few breaths of fresh air and felt better... My neighbors probably thought I was nuts...but what’s new?

Sometimes we can get so caught up in the details of life: BE GRATEFUL. It works ...think less about what is going wrong and more about what is going right! Maybe you are having a crappy day, but the sun is shining, or you got a 38 cent refund from medical insurance (like I did today!)...haha...there is always something good.

Yay...it is a new year...and a new start...and HE is making “all things new”

Happy 2020
CoffeeTalkMom

It’s better to receive than give: Thoughts on having a sane Christmas

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! My mind has been swimming with thoughts about gift-giving, the true meaning of Christmas, balancing the check-book (is that even a thing anymore?), decorating, baking, and running from event to event. Let me start by saying that none of this is bad...but when you hear a little voice in your head saying, “I just need to get to December 26th”, you’re doing too much. Here are some thoughts (in no particular order).

This year has been a dumpster fire of drama at our house and one of the big lessons was this: It is OKAY to receive. The end. I like to GIVE, and receiving is tough... Friends and family want to help...let them. You will be called upon at another time. It’s okay to not be okay.

I have a “gifts are my love language” husband. This will never change. CTDad was raised by an amazing woman who filled the house with decor, hundreds of cookies, and gifts packed under the tree..it is who he is and that is how he experiences love. It’s not a money thing, but, for me, can be a stressor. I have learned to roll with it. I do my best. One of the favorite Christmas’ for me was when we had very little money and gave each other 3 things: a piece of clothing, a book, and a CD. You do YOU and don’t worry about what everyone else is doing.

I am a pretty calm person, but the decorating after Thanksgiving about did me in. Have you ever tried to replace lights on a pre-lit Christmas tree? We put the tree up, took it down, tried to cut off the lights (on the $$$$ tree) and after an hour we realized that some things in life just are not worth the effort. Each light is wrapped 3x around the branch. Jesus take the wheel!! (Or the tree). Goodwill was thrilled to have it, and off we went to find a tree. He literally had to stand guard at the “floor model” tree in Hobby Lobby while I chased the sales guy down for a price. By this time it was 4:00 on Day 1 of decor-gate. The outside light guy called to cancel, and, with that, we went into Day 2. All I can say is that when my CT-Nan and CT-Pop downsized their Christmas decor I was disappointed. I am becoming my Mom and Dad.

I had a baking day. When CTD grabbed a cookie, I almost lost it. I mean, “These are for Christmas...and important people!!”...I caught myself. Take a breath and relax. You are not baking for the President. No one cares that much.

I’m not sure if this blog is making you sane or stressed, so with this I will close. Enjoy the moments. Maybe it is the local high school play, or laughing with your girlfriends at a gift exchange, reading your bible when no one else is awake, making it to the gym and seeing the “GRUMPA” license plate in the parking lot (always makes me laugh), thanking God that you are included and loved and whatever happens, it will be okay!

Peace,

CoffeeTalkMom

“For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

Isaiah 9:6

What’s Love Got To Do With It?

Well...another year in the books, and it has me thinking about what it means to have success in marriage. Don’t get me wrong, we have our moments, but what really contributes to a lasting relationship? CTSon got married this year so now I have a CTDAUGHTER!! It is the BEST! Watching them pledge their love and devotion to each other was a true highlight in my life. I was so worried I would start crying and not be able to stop, but focusing on the sacred moment in their lives just washed me with calm and gratitude. Contrary to what the world believes, marriage is SO much more than a piece of paper. It IS about love, but it is also so much more.

HONOR is an interesting word. It means to “hold in high esteem”. I have to ask myself if I am holding CTDad in high esteem? Sometimes the words that flow out of my mouth don’t feel very honoring. It is my job to “regard with great respect” and let God do the rest. It is absolutely critical to be LOYAL in that your spouse knows that you are in “his corner” regardless of the circumstances. You can count on that person to be lifting you up to others when you’re not around. Aside from being faithful (LOYAL) to your spouse, think about what your words do. Words are powerful!

COMMUNICATION is so important and we are constantly working on it. Sometimes, it is not what the other person says, but how they say it. Watch your tone of voice, and see what a difference it can make!

TIME is a key factor in a good marriage. Are you spending time without the kids trailing along? Do you have activities you do together? Is it a constant push and pull?? “Well, if YOU are golfing, IM going to the spa!”. If you are finding yourself in a rut, find something you can enjoy together! CTDad likes to work on his truck, I don’t. Every once in awhile, I make an effort to go “help”, just so we have some time together. In the same way, he will go for walks with me, or make an effort to be a part of what I’m doing. It is key. Trust me...when the kids leave (and they do), you need some TIME together.

HUMOR is the key. Do you laugh together?? Do you find joy in watching the same goofy TV show? Do you have a lighter side? Can you laugh at yourself? Most recently, we had ordered a couch from American Furniture. When the call came with the delivery time, the man on the other end was “Jake”. I heard him say, “Jake? Jake Jabs...is that you??”... I laughed out loud and the guy said something like, “I wish!”. Can you have some fun? Does it require a bunch of money? I need to be better at just “chillin out” and not having an agenda of line items. How about you?

LOVE is such a widely used word. Society tells us to love everybody and everything. My Dad used to call me out about “loving a dress” or “loving those shoes”...He used to say, “You can like those, but you LOVE me”. Marriage is work, but it is the most rewarding kind of work. There are no paychecks or awards of merit. You may have days or weeks or months of feeling disconnected. The best advice I once received was to be SELFLESS in my love for my husband. The results are instant. Sometimes I get so focused on what I want or need, that I forget to do the dirty jobs of marriage...paying the bills, making healthy meals, or even...cleaning dirty car parts...just to be together.

Love Well...and Happy #32 to CoffeeTalkDad!

CoffeeTalkMom

EVENT WEEK

This is a big week for CoffeeTalkMom here in Boulder and I have some GREAT friends here supporting me. I read last week that "event planner" is the 5th most stressful job. Now, I wouldn't equate it with a police officer, but for whoever you are serving, it could make or break business, partnerships, friendships and more. I wanted to share this photo from my kitchen counter this morning...all given to me from friend who knew what kind of week this was going to be! it kind of feels like I went out drinking, came home at 4am, couldn't get to sleep, so I walked back to Pearl Street in 5 inch heels. It's a mental, physical, and educational experience and not for the weak-hearted. My sister always says how she could "never do what I do", but I must say...it's not brain scientry for sure...

Here is what you need:

A knack for organization
A budget
Ideas to save money (the budget is and never will be enough)
Salesmanship: You can always work with the caterers, hotels and service providers (today I had to change food quantities for our final dinner tonight, arranged to bring a cake (avoiding the $8pp dessert charge), and had them throw in AV and paper plates for the cake)...
Clear head and a good cup of coffee: Things WILL happen and CHANGE during the event...are you ready? Can you adjust?
A smile...you WILL deal with people and no one appreciates a cranky, pushy event organizer.
Volunteers...you CANNOT do it yourself...come alongside your helpers and make sure they know they are needed and loved...write a thank you note after...

If this still sounds like a nightmare...hire me or another organizer...I have been places where they have "no one in charge" and it's a mess...I pride myself in basically "paying for myself" by saving money on the other side... NO...you cannot enjoy your dinner or event, plate the food, make the food, do the dishes, and think to yourself, "Gosh...let's do it again next weekend"...

One more dinner tonight, birthday this weekend, grad party, and a rehearsal dinner to plan...

CHEERS!

CoffeeTalkMom

12 things every parent should know about raising good kids

When in doubt...remember these !
1. No child is perfect..neither are their parents: You can set up all of the rules and regulations you want, we all stumble..chose your battles and admit when you have an epic fail as a parent. It may be something simple like verbally showing regret at an unkind word. Kids are like elephants...they remember everything! (esp. the stumbles) 2. Kids like boundaries: Most of my "adopted" kids over the years never minded the house rules and in fact liked knowing someone actually cared about what they were doing. Ill never forget a "recording studio" moment when my oldest was in high school. 4 letter words were flowing from the mouth of a goth dude and I quickly rushed upstairs much to the surprise of goth boy. I think I heard some laughing, but I didn't care...that junk didn't work in our house. 3. You are not allowed to give up...follow thru when they are little! It is SO much easier to ignore the junky stuff your kids do. You're tired, burned out, and in need of a 4:00 glass of Pinot Grigio...Dont let it slide. Kids learn how to use those times and what is REALLY a rule. That 3 minute timeout away from the other kids teaches a ton! 4. Letting it go...always catches up with you..Small issues become big issues very quickly. If you have a no drinking rule, abide by it. No one is mad, it's just the rule. 5. Nothing bad ever comes from putting God first, others second and yourself last. Kids are so self-focused, that thinking about helping others, serving others and giving a tithe out of their own money teaches self control, ethics, and a moral code. God is no dummy. 6. Family dinners are critical. If you are "too busy" for this rule, then you are TOO BUSY! Its not necessarily about the food, but more about relationships within the family. 7. Thank you notes are non-negotiable. If your kids are blessed enough to get multiple gifts on birthdays or Christmas, just tell them they can use that toy or gift card just as soon as you see the "thank you" written and addressed. Use discretion depending upon the age. 8. There is a difference between being active and involved and over-kill sports and activities. This rule speaks for itself. If your child simply attends school, then heads home to the couch, maybe a sport or activity is in the cards. If you are leaving a baseball tournament early for basketball tryouts and a karate test, re-think your priorities. Chances are you are not following thru on #6 9. Nothing good happens after midnight......period...yes...that is a large period! The kids are either doing something they shouldn't, thinking about doing something they shouldn't or driving around people who have already done it! 10. It's never too late to be a good parent. Start today. Start small. Make or order a dinner and set the table. 11. There will be winners and losers ..that is LIFE. "Everyone wins" isn't the way it is in the real world. Learn it and accept it young. Everything isn't always EQUAL or FAIR. 12. LOVE your spouse and show your kids how much that relationship means to you. Kids see this and model it later in life. Men, this is critical to raising mannerly young men and future fathers who are willing to stand in the gap for their families under any circumstances.

It’s all just a memory…

Well, 2012 is wrapped up and put away. I am grateful for photos because as memories begin to fade, we can always look back on our yearly highlights and sometimes low-lights with fondness. Some of you may have made resolutions, or at least thought to yourself, "How will this year be different?" I don't really have that luxury this year as almost everything looks to change. This time next year, life will look different. This is why on New Year's Eve I tears came to my eyes when the 4 of us sat around the Christmas tree one last time to exchange our "last gift". We have a tradition, handed down from my family, to open one more gift on New Year's Eve. It is typically something small (no I-Phones or bikes or UGG boots). It brings us together and we can enjoy the lights and sit and talk about our hopes for the next year only hours away. This year, Thomas sat and played the piano and it struck me, "Will this be the last time I do this in my home?"…This is the house where we raised our boys: I changed diapers in this house, hosted sports teams, drum-line kids, notebook burnings, and wedding showers. As I found myself wiping tears, it dawned on me that instead of being sad, I should be happy. Sometimes God gives us a new start. Maybe this home would get lonely with both boys off doing their thing. The bedrooms become empty homagges to our kids, complete with clean closets and mini memorabilia shelves. The clothes in the closet become obsolete, the books in the closet available online. I think it is more about the childhood dream, than the ultimate reality. When my parents moved out of our childhood home, we were NOT happy. It was best for my parents, but not best for ME. Now here I sit in the same position, only older and wiser. I am lucky: my boys are excited. They don't really look at a house the same way that I do. They figure that wherever we move, they can crash and feel home by virtue of the fact that we are there. I guess I always envisioned living somewhere "forever" that our kids and grandkids would come home to and visit. Sometimes you have to think out of the box and go with what adventure lies ahead. With that in mind, I guess my New Year's resolution for 2013 is to let God do something bigger and unexpected in my life without putting on the brakes at every turn. He's good at that!

Happy 2013 and Thank You for Reading my crazy blog!

Coffee Talk Mom

Why I Party!

Most of you are probably thinking: what just happened? Is Christmas over? When do the kids go back to school? I better get these decorations down and dust! While you consider those options, I am busy preparing for a party. When I was first married, my mother in law Paula always had a holiday party that we would help with when we visited Arizona. It was always AFTER Christmas and her full house somehow felt joyous and comforting after the let-down of the "is that it?" feeling. Seeing friends and family, wearing red again, and eating yummy food "one last time" was all part of the celebration. I have followed in her footsteps (I miss her!) and for 18 years have had a party during the holidays. We have gone from 15 or 20 to over 100 depending upon the year. The numbers don't really matter to me because I think of it as a blessing. God brings some people whom we haven't seen much through the year and we are able to re-connect. One year I even drove myself to the hospital at 5am after 12 hours of stomach junk, had 2 liters of fluid via IV and drove myself home in time to change, patch together the cinnamon rolls Dave left in the oven for too long , and answer the first ring of the doorbell. God willing, I will NEVER do that again! I will never forget that I had a special grey shiny top to wear and I had comments like, "You match your top"! Little did they know, I had a bruise on my arm from the IV and was fighting to stay upright. Another year we had snow…LOTS of snow. We had boots lined up by the front door for miles. One thing remains: I wouldn't change any of it. We are truly blessed by our friends and grateful that God gave us this house to fill with them. Things change and with an impending move, who knows what next year will look like? For now, we move forward, with our cooking and baking and prepping and enjoying the last days of the decorations and lights.

With 2013 approaching and all of the talk of guns and cliffs, and despair…May God place peace on your heart, in your thoughts, and your actions because…LOVE IS BIGGER!

Cheers,

Coffee Talk Mom

2 of my favorite people and memories! Open House Day 2003

Just Breathe!

Christmas is upon us and after spending 2 months more or less at home, I have had numerous conversations with friends about the STRESS of the holidays. Most notorious throughout the conversations was a taboo subject that I plan to tackle with the help of those friends: UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS aka people who are hard to please, get along with, or be in the same room with! You must admit that there is probably someone in your life who brings out the absolute WORST in you. One way to tell is that you catch yourself thinking, "I don't act this way! Why am I feeling so defensive? Why do I feel less worthy than the other person? Why do I feel small?" At Christmas, many of these relationships resurface after a year of avoidance, healthy boundaries, or geography. How should we deal with situations that put us on the spot? JUST BREATHE and remember this acrostic:

B oundaries: This may be physical. Keep yourself in the other part of the house or at the far end of the dinner table. This may be verbal. Keep talk general and don't try to tackle subjects that you KNOW will cause controversy with the other person: politics, new diets and exercise regimes, personal religious inquiries, or showing off in any way with facts about your kid's awards, grades, or parental discipline techniques.

R espect: Even if the other person does not respect you and your boundaries, remember, you cannot be responsible for their behavior, only your own.

E ntertain: Try to do something other than TALK! Include a game for the kids or white elephant gifts. This releases the energy in the room to be used laughing and not crying or angry.

A nticipate: If this person (s) is someone who knows how to push your buttons, prepare some answers in advance and be prepared to be amazed at how "together" you look and how ridiculous the other person feels when they cross lines. Less is more with some of these conversation monopolizers!

T hank God: If there is one thing that is universal among my friends, life is short. If this was the last thing you said to that person, would you be proud of your responses and/or comments? Thank God in prayer before you go that He has brought you to that place for a purpose and ask Him to protect your heart and mind.

H elp: When all else fails, do the dishes, or run the game…keep busy rocking the baby or playing with the little ones. Sometimes it is the best excuse and the young parents are thrilled to have the break. This can remove you from a heavy discussion and bring you back to what is truly important: Barbie-vs-Ken.

E xit: Make a plan to stay for a respectful amount of time, pitch in, then leave before any taboo subjects are blurted out. This can especially be the case when alcohol is involved. . Last year we went to a work party that was truly a disaster. It was nice to just put a smile on our faces, grab our coats, and run for the door with no guilt.

Get back into your car and BREATHE! You did it!!

Merry Christmas Coffee Talk Peeps!

Coffee Talk Mom

YES…YOU CAN!

That is my usual response when I talk about my annual Thanksgiving Day track meet (or Olympics)…Originally, it was called a "track meet" mostly because we met at the track. Now it has evolved into a fine mess of games, exercise and mostly laughing which, might I add, is good for the abs! Most of the adults have to be talked in to coming for fear they will look like a total has-been. Well, we are ALL over that now and anything goes!! I am the type of person that watches sports and yells,"Go Dummies" thinking to myself…"I could run faster than that"…Well, that is NEVER the case especially this year as I had to stand by and watch the mayhem ensue. I hate it when that happens! I figured that launching this awesome body off the long jump board may not be good for the neck! (insert laugh here) Every participant brings a $5 gift card or gift. This year I LOVED the romance novel (found later when I got home and opened an unused bag of prizes) and a pound of bacon! If you are tired of the typical Thanksgiving "football" game which most little kids get crushed, here is a list of our activities for you to try. I am all about traditions: this is one that just won't die!

100 yard dash (kids first/then adults

Golf Chip/Putt: Place frozen, duct-tape wrapped turkey on field. Closest to the turkey wins!

4x100: Have families of 4 line-up on track. Have them pass an un-opened water bottle. Everyone on the winning team wins a gift card/prize.

Turkey Toss: Buy a frozen 8-10 pound turkey. Wrap in plastic grocery bags, then completely duct-tape. Have ALL participate…it is super funny.

They can throw it or roll it…Furthest wins!

Long Jump: Sometimes helpful to bring a rake (I usually forgetJ)…Longest for adult/kids

Donut Chow: Tie donuts to goal posts using string from home. Adjust height according to family member (each team or family chooses one person). If the donut falls, they must eat it off the ground. This year's proud winner: Reilly! She ate it off the ground and didn't puke!! Woohoo!

Water Chug: Line up all willing participants. Hand them each a water bottle and tell them they can break the seal but not open it. On the "GO", they chug. 2 years in a row the winner was Paisley (a college student daughter of our friends)…uhh…no comment…(hahaha)

Toilet Paper Wrap: Bring a 6 pack or 1 roll for each family. They chose a team member to be "papered". First to finish their roll without cheating, wins a gift for each team member!...

As a funny side-note, I must add that on the way home my son mentioned that since I WAS INDEED the "Activity Coordinator" maybe I should pick games that my OWN family can win! Next year we will be programming and solving Calculus problems. FYI friends…start practicing now!!

Bring on a NEW FAMILY TRADITION!!

Carry On Coffee Talk Peeps!

Coffee Talk Mom